A Vision for Life

It occurred to me recently that I don't have a long term plan, well I've never been into the long term vision really but somehow it seems that I might just be needing one now!

I've always been rather a spontaneous type of person and it's worked quite well for me over the past several years especially. I like not being 'locked in' if you know what I mean.

That way I can do this or do that and I can change gear or indeed do a u-turn as my journey dictates. Nothing wrong with that you might say and you would be quite right of course and yet somehow I've been given a little nudge to look at the big picture and it feels like it's a rather timely reminder.

The great debate...good versus evil

It was a tale of good versus evil, well actually it was the other way around from where I was sitting, (at the movies I was) ...so anyway it was the classic tale, the clique that still arouses suspicion for some and for others it holds that age old belief that those that are good and pure, will always triumph.

Lets face it anyone who is negative and aggressive by nature has a very powerful energy about them generally. They thrive on having the upper hand, winning battles and intimidating those who are their polar opposites. They consume other people's energy, they take away their resolve and their positive vibrations,  all in the pursuit of their own power, they're like vampires, always needing that fix to function. I'm going to call them the reptilians!

It takes a very strong person to hold strong in the face of such an attack, it's like it causes our rudder, once straight and strong to go into a wobble. Once that wobble or vibration gets going, it's difficult to right the ship again. Such is the power of negativity when it's arrow is fired directly at you.

Fear kicks in, doubt raises it's ugly head and fight, flight or freeze sets in. From there that shadow can easily consume a person who allows their fear to take the helm. Just like in my movie yesterday, when the banished princess found herself in the midst of the dark forest, all sorts of ooze, slime, and evil and scary critters surrounded her, she was overcome with fear, panicked, ran, scrambled, slithered amongst the mire and in the end with what she saw as no choice,  she gave up, lay down and in that action she relinquished her fear.

I saw it in another movie I was watching recently, the star of the movie spent the whole movie fighting off a pack of ravenous wolves, hell bent on devouring all of the survivors of a plane crash. The star was the last man standing and at the end he had no choice but to give up. So he stood tall, faced his enemy full on,  he personified power and in that moment he relinquished his fear. Well I think he died because the movie ended so perhaps that's not such a good example, but it's saying something to ME. So  what I'm saying is that we so often allow fear to devour us, we loose all sense of reason, of rightness, of goodness and in that action we loose control.

So it seems that often it's only when we have no choice, when we've exhausted every ounce of our fighting spirit that is when we somehow say 'I GIVE UP'.... 'I SURRENDER'...and in that moment it's possible to finally see the light. It's a very scary journey that one of fear and yet if we could in that moment call on our 'knowing' and separate ourselves from that shadow of doubt we could hold the power to change our destiny for the better.

When fear is released so too is anger and hatred and in it's place we can learn to truly experience compassion, acceptance and inevitably joy and I know which state I'd rather vibrate to.

Playing Dress ups!

"as  I served him his  bowl of soup he turned to me and said  thanks wench''

When my friend invited me to a Queen's Diamond Jubilee Luncheon,  the first thing that popped into my mind was 'oh goodie, now I'll get to wear my tiara'

All my friends could probably be referred to as 'Monarchists' and me, well I'm tarred with the other brush and I'd be your rebellious 'Republic' advocate.

Oh not to worry, so what I am going to wear, I mean it's winter, it's daytime and it's bloody cold up on the Tablelands at this time of year so my flimsy chiffon gowns definitely won't be suitable, mind you that tiara would look so good with one of those gorgeous dresses, sigh! Boots and jeans and woolly jumpers just aren't going to cut it! A girl just has to have a certain style!

And then just as I was about to drop off to sleep one night I had one of my brainwaves...I know, I'll wear one of my medieval gowns, you know the Stevie Nicks type, long flowing lace sleeves, velvet, lace and sweeping the ground. Oh yes, I'll be the 'belle of the ball' so to speak.....now if I had some boots I could definitely wear them with that dress, but alas they're in storage on the Sunshine Coast.  Oh well my bling bling sandals will do the trick and I'll brave the cold for vanity any day! So I choose the deep burgundy dress, with the laced up front and my sparkling tiara will look just perfect.

Chanelling Stevie Nicks

I've had those dresses for ages, three of them and once upon a time they were highly prized and worth a good couple of hundred dollars each. I stumbled upon the shop in New Zealand where they are made and bought two of them 'for a song'. I was also with my little Mother at the time and she bought a long purple lace skirt that she had planned to wear to one of her country singing extravaganzas but somehow or another I ended up with that too.  I also had one given to me as a wedding anniversary present some 20 plus years ago when I was into my Loreena McKennitt phase along with medieval re enactment groups and all things Pagan .  So they all have sentimental value and so I can't bring myself to send them to an op shop where they'll be sold 'for a song' and I'm sure as hell not giving them away and probably no one would want them anyway...oh no that's not true my granddaughter who is into all things 'Emo' would love them but I just can't bring myself to relinquish them.

So I wore that dress to the Queens Diamond Jubilee Luncheon and the other guests seemed to be most impressed as I sashayed through the gathering, tiara sparkling in the bright sunshine, sleeves trailing behind me as I twirled around to give them all a better view of my very eye catching 'gown'. I heard some comments about my looking just like a 'princess' with my tiara which pleased me no end of course although I did hear a murmur from some quarter about my choice of 'costume' not befitting the Queen which of course was so untrue,  I mean pagan, medieval, hullo!!!!

I didn't count on one other comment I received though and the guest caught me completely off guard...as I served him his  bowl of soup he turned to me and said  'thanks wench' cheeky bugger! It wasn't exactly the image I was trying to portray, Princess yes, but wench, come on!!!

I love that tiara!

Stepping out of that comfort zone

I went and saw the movie "The Way:" yesterday...it's set on the Camino de Santiago where for almost a 1000 years pilgrims have been making the trek and in more modern times, even cycling and culminating in north west Spain at Sanitago de Compostela.

What I liked so much about the storyline is how a group of relatively random people can come together to share a journey that inevitably changes their lives forever.

I say relatively random because, depending on your particular belief system, one might agree that there are no co incidences in life and therefore they were all meant to come together just at that particular time and just for that particular experience.

It also reminded me of how easy it is to find some excuse to walk away from something that presents as unpleasant. Whether that's through some form of uneasy communication, a clash of personality or a belief that you have absolutely nothing in common with a person who you have crossed paths with. A random experience you might say or even thinking that it's a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time..but is that really the case? Are there ever any chance encounters or is it part of some divine plan?

So all of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue you're thrown into turmoil with no way of avoiding the person who triggered this unwelcome exchange of words,  this expression of some dark emotion that has been laying dormant for some time, sneakily lurking just below the surface.  So often in everyday life it's been contained and then in the blink of an eye, whamo just like that it's out there, words said, actions expressed which results in there being no way to ever erase those words or actions from that moment in time.

And so just like in this movie 'The Way' the main character just wants to walk the Camino de Santiago alone, a personal pilgrimage for someone in a highly emotive state and then along comes a brusk character, larger than life that will change the course of his life and as if that's not bad enough for our lead character, there's a couple of other odd bods that choose to tag along and become intricately woven into this life changing adventure. They're all on the same trail so there's no avoiding them, he's stuck with them and so the journey begins. If only he knew then how much he would grow from being thrust into what he perceives as an uncomfortable experience.....

I mean really, when this type of thing happens, who wouldn't want to just walk away, or run away if given half the chance. But when you're forced to deal with those deep emotions that now keep surging forth like an out of control herd of wild and ravenous bulls, who would want that personality trait to see the light of day? It's definitely not who you really are is it? It's got to be a random upset that will pass...but what happens when it doesn't, when something has been unleashed that cannot and will not be put away again. Something you have no idea how to handle let alone control. If I can just blame someone else, point the finger away from myself then it will all go away, I wont' have to give it another thought, surely! 

I'm sure we've all been faced with situations like this at some time in our lives and learned the hard way that if that tactic does indeed work then it's only ever a short term fix...whatever it is that reared it's ugly head will by it's very nature, present itself for a repeat performance and usually at the most inopportune time.

So anyway I don't want to give the movie away and spoil it for others but it was one of those movies that touched my heart and peaked my mind....I couldn't help but think if only we are forced to face something, how very different the outcome can be and how much richer our lives can become when we shed something that no longer serves us. And in comparison, if we leave things unresolved how long will we choose to carry that issue like a cross weighing us down and impacting how we live our lives.

How often do we think we're happy when in reality all we've created is a mundane routine that blinds us and tricks us into thinking that we lead a full life which is not to say we lead a fulfilling life..two very different pathways those!

I think it's fair to say that not many of us will force ourselves to stand in our discomfort, face it full on, be prepared to face the consequences, good or bad and just 'feel the fear and do it anyway' as a famous author once said. 

It takes courage and it takes a desire and a willingness....like the law of attraction, now that's a powerful thought process.  The law of attraction challenges us to ignore that which doesn't serve us. To stop focusing on what we haven't got and what we don't want and what doesn't work for us and it dares us to focus on creating with deliberate intention, that which we really and truly want in this life and can have if only we will allow it to manifest and grow to reality. 

It's not a new thought process to remind ourselves to be mindful of what we say and how we say it, to listen to ourselves as we speak to keep a check on our negative thinking and to switch lanes and start to think in a new and positive and creative way.

Well the movie has stirred up my bag of tricks, rattled the shelves of my filing cabinet where all things past and present have been neatly stored. I have been reminded by a movie that life is for living, to dare to dream, to reach for the stars,  if I want something then I just have to think it and that I am only limited by my imagination, or lack of.

And when faced with adversity, to be brave, stand tall and face the challenge head on.  To recognise it for what it is, an opportunity!  Another stepping stone, a way forward and one that is yours or mine for the taking.

And as for my 'filing cabinet' well I hope that everything settles in another order, one that's unfamiliar, one that propels me to another level of thinking and being and processing............... 

Little black pixie boots, oh so fashionable!

I loved my black suede ankle boots with pointy toes and gold leather threaded around the tops of them and they looked a treat with my little white socks.

Well that was back in around 1966 and I was at school and little boots such as these were definitely not part of the preferred uniform code of the day nor were those little white socks that I had to wear as the grey knee high ones just didn't compliment the look.

If I'd had any fashion sense back then I'd have known that they really didn't go with that dowdy grey uniform with the navy and white stripes either, but I was exploring my 'style' and a young girl had to make the best of what she had in those days....I've never liked grey so maybe it stemmed from those days.

Which reminds me that even back then when I was just a teenager, well almost...that my rebellious nature was well and truly being nurtured. That damn head mistress gave me plenty inspiration for practicing a personality trait that I would cultivate and carry with me for many a long year.

I'd like to think I'm much more mellow these days and believe me,  I've had to work  hard at letting go of that rebelliousness although if I'm completely honest I will tell I've probably contained it not eliminated it. I mean realistically, how can you get rid of something that runs deep in your veins, that you're born with, that you've had to wear like a bad of courage at times.

Standing up for what I believe in is something I'll take with me to the grave, I know that and I've accepted that its part of what makes me the vibrant and spontaneous person that I am today. After all, I'm ok with it so what's the problem anyways! 

But back to school......I used to also be rather partial to my red nail polish and for some unknown reason it too was not included in the preferred code dress code of Oak Park High School. Far out, the amount of times I was sent to stand outside the headmistress' office are quite numerous.

I thought I was pretty clever in those days, but you know, the amount of times I got caught with those red nails was mostly because I would forget that I had typing on that particular day and guess who was the typing teacher, yep the headmistress and she was always prowling up and down those aisles!!!

Sheesh you'd think I would have learned but maybe it was part of the challenge. And coincidentally, it was typing that I attained the highest marks in at school and even today I'm a gun touch typist, I can type like the clappers, just ask my kids and they'll tell you I pulverize my keyboard when I'm on a roll...no wonder the numerals always wear off em :)

I just had a vision of me swinging around the pole at the top of the stairs at school, little black suede boots, white socks rolled right down to my ankles, red nail polish glinting in the sunlight and as I swung around in gay abandon along comes that bloody teacher again....I'm sure she had it in for me, stalking the grounds waiting to leap on her prey (me) . Like it's not like I was doing anything to draw attention to myself or anything but once again I got the old 'go and stand outside my office and don't move' routine.

Ah well it was a bit like water off a ducks back really, after all I wasn't really into school all that much and a young up and coming girl such as myself, needed some sort of distraction to stop myself from drowning in sea of boredom.

And anyone who knows me also knows I have absolutely no interest in sport and the sport of the day at my school was softball...I mean who the hell wanted to play that stupid game anyway, not me. So I would be sick, or wag school or do whatever was necessary to avoid having to hit a ball or worse still  run around that dusty old paddock while someone else chased that stupid ball.

I mean I'd have had to take off my gorgeous little pixie boots that must surely have been the envy of many a girl at that school to participate in that silly old game!!!

Nope school wasn't for me, it really was an unwelcome distraction from the life I wanted to lead. I had bigger fish to fry and that's another story for another day :)

I was only 19.............

I was only 19......its the 70's, psychedelic music, psychedelic colours  and  freedom . But hang on, I'll just go and research when that famous song by Redgum "I was only 19" was penned!  Phewey,  talk about being hijacked in the blink of an eye!

I was on a mission for a minute and that was about 'me' and when I was 19 but some gremlins have scrambled my mind and now I'm in another era! Mind you it's an era I do rather enjoy dwelling in as it conjures up so many memories of a carefree life, sex and drugs and rock n roll. Well not so much the rock n roll but the other was probably pretty apt :)

It's funny how a random thought can start a chain reaction and boy I've just gone through a roller coaster ride of emotions and flashbacks to another time, but wait, now I'm in  fast forward mode to another time and it's now 1983, that's when the song was written and it's the year my son was born. But I'm not 19, I've passed that little milestone and the life I had, the music changed and not always for the better in the 80's but there was some amazing Aussie music about and "I was only 19" is one that even today, 29 years later, has the ability to stir something deep within  me. It was almost like it was our 'Anthem' of the time, at least in the circles I was hanging.
 
But back to the youtube clip....as I'm watching the video of the day,  black and white news clips of the Vietnam War and listening to the echoing words of that soulful song,  my mind is racing, reeling back through the years to the demonstrations of the time, the music that spoke to me of freedom and independence and of the life that I was living all those years ago. 


Watching that video clip was like watching one of those movies that jump from the past to the present and back again.....I don't usually like them all that much as I find it hard to follow so when my own mind was skipping through the years, past and present I was having a similar reaction, I didn't like it too much, way too much energy exerted in those few minutes it took to watch that song come to it's conclusion. I guess it's a mix of remembering a time that revolutionized music, changed me and my outlook on life forever, and regardless of how much fun living in that time was it will always be tinged with a shadow of what that song 'I was only 19' was all about. Conscription, demonstrations, lies and deceit and so many lives that were changed forever and not just those of the soldiers that made it home.

It's like a bittersweet experience listening to that song, it stirs something deep within, I'm never quite sure why I still have such a strong reaction to that era of my life, maybe it's the music, maybe it was my wild and free life experiences or maybe it's about my lost youth which held my precious hopes and dreams of a lifetime.

Youth of course is something that can never be reclaimed and really if you asked, I doubt I would want to re live it but there's something powerful wrapped up in that time. Maybe there's a little box and it's labelled 'secret' so secret in fact that even my conscious self doesn't quite understand it. Perhaps it's a little time capsule that's been carefully buried in my mind and heart and being and sometimes it's seal pops open and for a brief moment the contents are visible for all to see and then just like that, whamo, it's closed again, sealing it's precious cargo, it's contents safe and secure and perhaps that's where they will stay, where they're meant to be....a box of memories that I will carry with be forever and a day and will never fully understand. And do I need to anyway!

But lost youth and distant memories aside, the music I spent countless hours listening to on the good old quadrophonic stereo system always has the ability to bring a smile to my face. I still remember laying on the floor between those quad speakers with the volume full bore listening to the likes of  Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple,  Country Joe McDonald, The Doors,  Electric Light Orchestra, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band and so many more that would fill a page if I was to continue. Boy wasn't that quadraphonic stereo the bees knees in upmarket hi fi, laughable today of course but when I lived in that big old army tent in the caravan park in Mt Isa and in the outback of Boulia, that stereo came along too.....yep you had to have good music, didn't matter about other necessities of life like furniture or flash cars, nope you just had to have a beanbag and a good sound system to play those lp records on.

So when I was only 19, it was 1970 and quite some years before 'that' song came along in 1983. In the 13 years in between I would have 2 children, eight years apart and like many, the music of the time would shape and change my life forever and on some level, for that of my children too. 

Oh and the baby born in 1983 was reared on the classic music of the 70's which was always playing and always loud so it's no wonder he would gravitate towards sub woofer's and  'discover' the joys of 70's music along the way as he matured into an adult.


And my daughter who was 8 in 1983 had become a seasoned aficionado of 70's music at her young age so it's no wonder she still finds the odd classic tracks to download for her Mummy today and I know she enjoys them as much as I do at times.

Waffling, Winking and making Whoopee

Well I'm up to 'W' in this little blogging exercise and as I'm almost at the end of the alphabet I'm also thinking I'm at the end of this blog.


 I have a couple of other blog sites elsewhere, one dedicated specifically to travel stories and another that will replace this one and it's time to streamline this activity.



So whilst I am feeling a little sad,  I've enjoyed the journey thus far but as the song  goes ' comes a time' and that time is imminent for moi!

Now back to 'W', well I could WINK - which apparently is to twinkle or flicker, I didn't know that, has a nice ring to it though. I like the idea of us all twinkling like little stars, maybe there would be more harmony in the world if we all could twinkle now and again. But wait, some distant memory was just triggered about that word, I thought to twinkle had a rather different meaning, something to do with ablutions!!!  Oh not to worry, lets just stay with the winking idea.

There are lots of interesting W words in the dictionary like  WHOOP -which is a loud cry of excitement. Mmmmmmm not too sure that's something I engage in too often. I don't tend to get excited these days, not sure why but something to do with not wanting to experience disappointment me thinks.  But hang on I think I'm telling porkies now, I was out and about last Friday night and saw a couple of bands around town and I do recall that after a couple of drinks, well maybe a few more drinks and late at night that I was doing some variation of a WHOOP when Jenny Morris was singing at the Vertigo bar around midnight!

So what else is there, a couple of W words that might reflect a little negativity like WAIL - to cry, nup I don't want to do that gig, next........WHIMPER - who cares it's equally debilitating...moving right along...
WALLOW - oh I thought that was a negative word but it seems its more about wallowing in luxury, well bring that on I say especially if it's luxuriating somewhere in SE Asia....now that I  could handle any day I say, any day!!
But WALLOWING also means rolling around in the mud, sheesh I've always fancied that idea....I would absolutely looooooooove it! I wonder where I could find a little mud hole all to myself, well maybe a little clay hole at least that would have some health benefits to it like the clay from the dead sea that I have paid a fortune for from those very adept and gorgeous salespeople in Cairns Central hehehe . Here in Oz you'd be more likely for find a mud hole with cow dung in it, yuk!

What about WHISTLING - to make a shrill sound or musical sound..I think the latter would be preferable but I've never been able to get that down pat. I've even tried the old gum leaf over the comb with little success so whistling has no appeal whatsoever.

WHINGEING - to grumble persistently....well just ask a certain person close to me and she'll tell you I'm turning into a grumpy old woman and I say 'who the hell cares', it's my life and I'm living it how I want to so next :)

Oh to make WHOOPEE - cry of joy....well it's a nice thought, next....

WAFFLE - vague wordy talk or writing....oh come on that's not me at all............is it???
Perhaps I've been waffling on for long enough here and I should get a WRIGGLE  on and make a move 'outta here' ....


Byeeeeeeeeeeeee.....ya'll come back now ya hear :)

If you want to follow my blogs in future you will find me on either of these two blogsites
shantiodyssey.wordpress.com - my travel blog
onelittleaquarian.wordpress.com  - the world according to moi!




I

Valiant? Classic that's what it is!

Valiant adjective brave, courageous.........mmm I don't know anything about that but what I do know is that I once owned an 'R' model Valiant and that car was something else. If only I'd known then what I know now I'd have stashed it away somewhere safe and made a fortune today, that is if I could bring myself to sell it.

So the word valiant always catapults me right back there to the early 70's which is when I had the absolute pleasure of cruising around in a R Model Valiant, white it was and I lived in the northern suburbs of Melbourne in Victoria, Essendon to be precise.

It's not so much about being brave or courageous but it's classic that's what it is!

I found this pic on the internet, now tell me you don't think this is one classy automobile?

Push button gears on the dash, teardrop shaped tail lights, the spare wheel well on the outside of the boot and manufactured in 1962!   OMG I'm almost drooling thinking about it and looking at that red one here. I can just see me in one of those babies today, cruising around Cairns being a rev head magnet hehehehe (as opposed to being a chick magnet in case you were  confused!)
 
Come to think of it I've driven some amazing classic cars over the years. My first driving lessons were in the very sleek,  prized by many at the time, Ford Customline. It was a Star Model if you don't mind and once upon a time I could have told you all about V8's,  single spinners and twin spinners and all things Customline. But that was a long time ago!

This pic from the Wikimedia website ( no, not Wikipedia) is just like the one I used to drive

I was rather partial to lots of  sparkling chrome accessories and those deep dished wide wheels were pretty cool at the time as was the impala straight through gear shift, see I told you I knew a thing or two about Customlines :)

A few of my friends had Customlines.... the duco on one was flat black, looked like it had been painted with a paint brush, another had a convertible with customised fins out the back, it was dull charcoal grey. In fact I think it might have been undercoat grey lol..anyway the guy who drove it was a rather unique looking guy, a little mongoloid in appearance which only added to the 'look'.
I recall one night after midnight marching out of the house that I was sharing with lots of other 'freaky'  friends, anyway the owner of this car was revving the guts out of this V8, roomper ,roomper, roomper, the sound vibrating up and down our little suburban street in Moorabbin! Of course I was the one who had to stamp my feet and do the telling off, it's amazing that we didn't end up being rewarded with a visit from the boys in blue which wouldn't have ended well I can assure you. But that's another story and back to my classic cars :)

Then I remember as a newly licensed driver I was driving a Zephyr Mark II (1950's - 1970's) ...I loved that car too. It had extractors which was mandatory at the time, either that or you drove around with the choke out to give the impression you had some hotted up beast under the bonnet...oh yeah that's cause we used to have cams to give the engine that lumpy sound we all so loved.

This pic from Wikipedia....isn't she gorgeous!

Well being only a new driver, I lived at this block of flats and I had this car parked next to the fence in front of the units where I lived, I mean right in front!...so here I was in the car revving it up, feeling pretty cool and into reverse I go and turn the steering wheel onto hard lock...oops, that wasn't a good idea, should have waited until I'd reversed out a bit first cause the next thing I hear is 'bang' and I'd swung that poor little Zephyr into the paling fence beside the car....of course everyone who lived in the flats came out to see what the hell had happened...how embarrassing! But needless to say it was a good lesson on what not to do and with little damage done to the car or the fence no real harm was done...well except for my pride of course.

So this has turned out to be a little story about some of the classic cars I've driven and I'm still only 18 in this story!!!!

Where's Your Utopia?

Utopia.....it has a nice ring to it don't you think?

 
For me it conjures up a vision of a place not unlike that seen in Avatar, well that's the first thing that comes to mind. I'm sure as I think longer about it I'll expand that vision and I'll create some other phantasmagorical planet.

Whatever the mind conjures I know my Utopia will be a place where there is absolute peace, where everyone lives in absolute harmony and where I have absolutely no worries about anything at all other than my own absolute happiness and pleasure. oh yeah now that's my kinda place!

So getting back to the 'Avatarian' Utopia....you know a scene where as far as the eye can see there are those whimsical nocturnal flowers that  look  like they're from an extra terrestrial landscape or a flourishing underwater coral garden  and with special effects lighting like something out of a Tinkerbell movie...oh yes, my imagination is expanding!


My Utopia doesn't have those mutant dinosaurs and monsters that only exist other people's imagination, but it is a place with plenty of flickering little creatures that twinkle like fire flies and I loved those horse like creatures in Avatar that for me were very reminiscent of  Native American legend and one which appeals greatly to me as I've always had a very deep respect and desire to connect with that culture.
I really resonate with the whole idea of how we're all connected like a web, every act that one engages in connects with another and how we impact each other and every being that shares this earth.  I love the way that in Avatar that when you mount that horse and connect your hair that you and the animal become 'one' ....mind transfer and thought patterns are the norm here.

My Utopia would also has the fragrance of the most alluring incense known to man, mesmerizing, hypnotizing, spellbinding and seducing....my Utopia has many Stone carvings of deities, Indian of course but Eastern Indian this time around, Ganesha, Krishna, Shiva, Buddha, Quan Yin, Lakshmi, Sarasvati,  all bestowing their individual blessings on all creatures great and small. ..my Utopia is a truly eclectic existence.

In my Utopia there are real flowers too, white fragrant lillies, deep pink water lillies, the sweetest smelling and deepest purple violets, oh how long is it since I've smelt real violets! Red roses flourish unblemished to entice friendly bees and insects seeking the nectar of the Gods. And carnations of every colour mingled with red poppies and there are jonquils and bright yellow double daffodils everywhere...oh how beautiful my Utopia is. Frangipanni's dominate the countryside, red and white and yellow, waterlilies  grace the great lakes and ponds across my Utopian land.

Exotic birds of every colour and kind fly freely and peacefully, birds of paradise, great eagles, macaws, colourful pheasants, little tiny finches, honey eaters, majestic owls, graceful black and white swans all live in harmony with all beings that inhabit my Utopia.

And music, oh yes there is angelic music to be heard whenever my mind so desires and Angels dwell here too, some have wings and some are like the many angels that inhabit our land today, the only difference being that here in my Utopia we recognize their magnificence and freely accept their guidance ..my Utopia has the works, the creme de la creme of everything spiritual, harmonious and pleasurable.

Time does not exist, there is no need for time..............shall I continue or do you get the picture? :)



What's your idea of Utopia?

Tears, Bliss and the Whole Damn Thing!

Tears of sorrow, tears of joy, tears of sadness, tears of happiness and tears of absolute bliss, there are so many types of tears which serve so many people in so many ways.

I doubt any of us give much thought to the purpose and reasons why we shed a tear and for so many people in our society, they would fight tooth and nail to stem the flow at any cost. How many people in our society today feel comfortable to openly shed a tear in times of sadness or loss. How many people would feel supported by those around them to be in the moment and allow their tears to flow. And how many people would feel comfortable to be the compassionate supporting friend or colleague of a person who is feeling overwhelmed and shedding a tear.

Some people seem to have no control over the act of shedding a tear and indeed it can seem like it's as easy as turning on a tap and turning it off again at leisure. Whereas for someone else it's akin to trying to stem the flow of a raging river, completely unable to stop the outpouring and with it that debilitating feeling of being out of control. Eeeeeeeeek and who wants to wallow in that feeling.

For some it's something that if it has to be done, then they prefer solitude and privacy, shock horror, what if someone was to see??? And what would that mean anyway...oh of course the old weakness principle and who wants to be perceived as weak?

What a tragedy that we as a society have bred and nurtured the perception that if someone cries publicly and if you're a man then it's the ultimate show of weakness. I can't even contemplate what that must be like for a man who has the urge to express a purely natural emotion and yet cannot do so for fear of how he will be perceived and most likely ridiculed.


Equally appalling is the fact that there are many women who also hold that belief, that their man or their son or their brother is weak if he cries...harden up they say, don't be a wimp another says and boys don't cry says another.

We as women play a major role in how our sons show their emotions, how they tackle life's challenges and how as men they grow up to respect others and accept others without passing judgement. Our own upbringing plays a great part in how we are moulded but we don't have to keep those behaviours or thought patterns. If we know they don't serve us well then we have the power and the responsibility to change them and in so doing we change the way we influence our children and our grandchildren and so on it goes and it's never too late to start to make changes.

What makes it additionally difficult is the fact that most of the time our tears are something than come as if an invisible button has been pressed, we often don't see them coming and feel as if we have so little control over stopping them.

I know I cry for many reasons, I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm sad, I cry when I'm watching a movie which can be drama, comedy or action, it just happens and I cry when I find myself suddenly experiencing one those synchronistic moments in nature when I realise, just for a brief moment that  I'm 'at one'.

Mekong River...Lao

I like the bliss tears the most, the ones I've experienced so many times along my spiritual pathway  and so many times when travelling to exotic and beautiful places on this earth. In those moments, its  the tears that expand my mind and my heart and my being and release tears of absolute joy. For me it's a little of that letting go, knocking another brick off the wall that I've built to keep me safe.They're saying, Gayle, you're safe, you can let them go, feel the joy, feel the bliss that has been locked inside and now it's time to rejoice, experience life and let it all hang out.

Vang Vieng ..Lao

In fact without those tears I wonder how I would have coped with the downer moments that I've experienced in life.  What would happen to that emotional wave that was sweeping over me. If I didn't cry where would that go, further inwards? expressed outwards towards another through anger? even deeper inwards to manifest later as illness?

Tears are a natural expression, once released they can never influence me again....there might be more but they too will be released. It's not always easy to express a tear, depending on the company, where you are in any particular moment, who you're with but I know for sure that once expressed I have always felt a whole lot better for the experience. Sometimes like a washed out rag, sometimes exhilarated but always better for the shedding.

Limestone Pools, near Luang Prabang Lao

The Mighty Mekong...Lao

The Paradise that is Lao 

Sunshine of my Life

sunshine, on my shoulders - makes me happy
sunshine, in my eyes - can make me cry
sunshine, on the water - looks so lovely
sunshine, almost always - makes me high

Sunshine has always held a place in my heart and since 1975 even more so when I named my lovely daughter 'Sunshine'.

I often laugh to myself when reminiscing, the name conjures up visions of a blonde haired angelic little girl and yet my Sunshine is dark haired, feisty and often more akin to a thunderstorm in personality when you get her on a bad day :) 

Maybe I should have called her Stormy which brings to mind another memory. Apparently my mother whose name is Norma used to be known in her hey day as Stormy Normy and as for myself, well I have been known to have a fiery little temper on occasion although these days it's a facet of my personality not often expressed. Mind you all three of us are what you'd call height challenged but what we lack in height we sure do make up for in personality and I'll leave that statement at that!

Must be one of the family traits we hear about from time to time.... there's a few more of 'em too but I'm not going into them now, I mean I'm writing a blog not an epic novel lol

But back to the days of 'Sunshine' I remember when we were living a colourful life way out west in Boulia, it was 1975 and I was young and full of wild dreams, Sunnie was a babe of just 3 months when we first arrived in that land that time forgot, a place locked in some time warp and a rocky and memorable chapter of our lives was about to unfold.

We befriend-ed a ringer, well the boys did, met him in the pub no doubt, anyway his name was Philly and he was one of many colourful characters that called this land of the Min Min Lights 'home'...for some reason he did like us which was fairly opposite to the general redneck known to inhabit the region in them thar days but that is also another story.  Anyway Philly used to sing  "You are my Sunshine" to baby Sunnie and play along on his harmonica....he's also the person who gifted us his pet camel that was to become affectionately known as "Wilbert".

Sunshine is a wondrous thing to be blessed with, mostly people would think of the weather, fine sunny days, warm balmy days, hot summer days, happy days, lazy days and so on but for me the word has a much deeper meaning, it's my daughter, it's my life, it's those songs from the past that bring a tear to my eyes still today. And I'll continue to smile inwardly and wonder 'what was I thinking' when I chose the name Sunshine for my daughter who incidentally dislikes the name considerably and I have absolutely no idea why:)

I mean really, it's a beautiful name! Think of all those happy little hippy kids that found themselves with the same name way back when and there were plenty of 'em.  I wonder what they are known as today as my Sunshine has chosen to become Sunnie! Can't say I've ever come across another adult Sunshine so I can only assume they've chosen to change their names too. Or maybe I just don't hang around in the right areas, maybe down Northern NSW way there just might be a few adult Sunshine's but come to think of it, it just doesn't seem to sound quite right now all these years up the track!! 

Oh well as I've reminded my Sunshine many times over, think yourself lucky cause the other name that was high on my list at the time was Amber Patchouli....yes it's true! Rather a nice ring to it too don't you think :) At least my Sunnie only got one name, mostly because I couldn't think of anything to go with it....could have been Sunshine Moonstone or Sunshine Rainbow or Sunshine Moonbeam....yeah alright enough already.

Reflections on a day

I like what the word 'reflections' conjures up for me...in fact I like the idea of self reflection a lot and do it regularly as part of my lifestyle.

Tranquil Ha Long Bay Vietnam

Take today for instance, I had an appointment about a prospective job, I had thought yes, great I could do with the extra money right now. Not thinking for one minute that I might have to re adjust my plans for the entire year as a result of this meeting.

When I left this morning I had a plan basically for the rest of this year. I thought I'd work for a few months, set off back down to the Sunshine Coast for a 2 month house sit in a lovely multi level home in Peregian Beach, then flit off over to Bali and participate in the Writers and Readers Festival in Ubud and then stay on for a couple of months to see how I'd enjoy living a life there.

Well that was this morning, tonight the house sit is off, the job will take priority for 12 months and if I'm lucky I'll get 2 or 3 weeks later in October for a quick jaunty over to Bali, minus the Writers and Readers Festival AGAIN!!!

But back to reflecting...usually it's something I can take my time thinking about, I mean by it's very nature reflecting is about taking your time, thinking things through, going over this and that, considering options, contemplating outcomes and eventually coming back to reality with a clear picture of what has taken place, what needs to be done or which direction to take....yeah right not today though!

A secret cove within Ha Long Bay Vietnam

For some reason when I was asked to make a commitment or walk away from the job today, I took about 5 minutes and rolled what might have taken me hours or days to consider into one short, sharp and clear decision...I would take the job. Plans?  what plans?  was my next thought that I quickly threw away as it just wasn't worth thinking about in that moment. I don't do disappointment well and now wasn't the time to start loosing myself in such a debilitating thought pattern. Bigger things were afoot here, I was sure of that.

Something strong was at work here, a force greater than I, my intuition kicked in, 'seize the moment Gayle' I heard that voice of knowing within me urging and so it came to pass that I now have a new plan and that's all about work...far out brussell sprout, who would have thought!

Speeding across Ha Long Bay

So on reflection I'm thinking to myself, 'congratulations girl' not being big on commitment, being put on the spot and challenged, yes challenged to make a decision right here and right now and I said YES, this deserves to be celebrated.

And in the celebration of my life, standing on the edge of a great lake looking into the deep dark pool that holds my future....full of potential and the promise of what may be an entirely different journey, I feel I'm being blessed, being given a great opportunity and what the outcome of that may be, is a mystery that I am willing to embrace.

I don't know what the future holds, I don't really care at this moment, I'm happy to let it unfold and take me to who knows where. And despite the obvious disappointment of not having that wonderful house sit, not seeing my children for longer than I had planned and not participating in the writers festival that was so big on my horizon, I'm content in the new direction I seem to have embarked upon today.

The journey of a thousand miles starts with the first step...............

The beautiful and serene Lake Eacham Far North Queensland

The Quandary of Life

Well life sure is feeling like a quandary.....and as I've typed that word 'quandary' I'm wondering if I need to check what it really means...........

Oh well I'm in a quandary cause I've just returned 'home' to Cairns after 7 months away....sheesh why do I put myself through such roller coaster journeys????

Seven months away, two trips to Bali, Sunshine Coast, Cairns, and who knows where next?????....yes I know but that's for me to know and for you to find out! :)

It seems I'm always on some journey here and there and sitting still in one place seems such an alien way of living to me.

So I wonder if this is how I'm to live my life from hence forth :)......so what's the alternative? Sheesh who knows? Not I said the fly!

I just had a really big sigh as I said that so there's something in that, but what I wonder?

So I can't tell you right now, cause I haven't a clue.....and cause I'm an Aquarian  I can just say that can't I :)

Where's that pesky moon sitting right now????

 I love the tiara....cause I'm a Princess really anyways hehehe.....thanx Sunnie for your creativity and our love xoxoxo

As the Pendulum Swings

The Sacred Spring Tirta Empul Bali

Life can be a bit like a pendulum at times, swinging this way and that as it searches for balance amongst a world of ups and downs and forks in the road.

I suppose it might seem rather idyllic to contemplate a life that could always be on an even keel, no steep and slippery slopes to contend with and yet I can't help thinking that it could also be rather mundane and boring.

I mean if you don't have the lows you wouldn't appreciate the heady highs that release bursts of euphoria and I like those moments.

Gee I certainly don't like those events that send you crashing down into the depths of despair and fortunately I haven't had many of them over recent times and nor do I want them. I mean if they happen along then I'll deal with them, at least I think I will as I seem to have accumulated  a lifetime of experiences, now carefully filed away for safe keeping and duly note on my emotional CV.

Life seems to roll along nicely for me these days, I have much to be thankful for. A little work here, a little travel there, lots of great friendships that are routinely nurtured and a few new ones thrown into the mix. It's a good life indeed. Never a dull moment one might say if you look from the outside in.

 And when I look back over my year or any of my years I realize I sure do pack a lot into them....I don't let the grass grow too long under my feet. So the chances of sliding into the mundane seem to be fairly remote. I mean wouldn't you have to be doing the same thing day in and day out for that to happen?  So has that been a conscious choice I wonder?

Well it's been a choice but I don't recall laboring over it in any way, it's like every now and again I realise I've become way too busy and  I say to myself, 'hey how about you just settle down and chill for a while' and then before I know it, some little gremlin has come along and whisked my mind into another dimension. Just like that I'm off on another little tangent planning another adventure of some kind :)

So the pendulum might swing but I like mine to have a gently lulling swing to it, not the variety that sends me plunging down and spiraling back up again....sheesh I sure hope I've done my time in that frenzied pace of life.

A life is to be enjoyed and I frequently ask myself  'if this was my last day or week or month on this earth, am I doing what I would really like'....good or bad, it's those thoughts that usually put a bomb under me and so another round of planning and plotting begins once more.....and I just love it!

Carp at the Holy Spring Tirta Empul Bali

Ogah-Ogah Parade

Nyepi is Balinese new year and much ceremony is upheld in the lead up to this momentous event which culminates on Nyepi day itself which is New Years Day.
None the least being the grand Ogah Ogah Parade which is traditionally held on new year's eve to much fanfare and much noise.
It's a huge exorcism ceremony that is held at the main village cross roads which is said to be a highly charged location at least in supernatural terms.
The ceremony is aimed to cleanse all nature and it's content so many prayers and offerings are made to appease the Gods.

Two of dozens of musicians taking part in the Ogah Ogah parade

All through the back streets of Bali in temple grounds we observed the construction of these huge grotesque effigies of Gods, with much emphasis placed on the genitalia of each creation....the youth of each village raise funds for their creations which traditionally culminated with the effigies being burned as an offering although these days I'm not so sure if they are always burned.
A theme is chosen each year so there is a similarity to all of the huge monsters, colourful, grotesque and sometimes confronting they are!

 Sita is symbolized in this Ogah Ogah effigy

In stark contrast to our western tradition of seeing in the new year with revelry, the Balinese open their New Year in silence . From 6am on new year's day to 6am on the following day no one is allowed to venture outside, play music, watch tv, use computers or eat any food and no lights may be used.
Pecalangs are the security guards and in each village they patrol the area for that period of silence to ensure that no one breaks the rules and this applies to locals and foreigners alike, there are no exceptions.

With all the lights switched out, when the evil spirits fly over the island of Bali they will think the island is deserted and keep on going.
Similarly the noise during the Ogah Ogah parade is used to frighten the evil spirits away.
The Balinese people are very superstitious and take their ceremony very seriously.

So back to the Ogah Ogah parade.....I was fortunate to participate in the parade of the local village where I was staying just outside of Ubud along with my traveling companion...the fact that we even made it was a miracle as despite the village being only a stone's throw from our accommodation it seemed that Bali time was really playing out as everyone kept giving us a different start time...in fact I'm not sure that anyone really did know and there certainly didn't appear to be any urgency about the whole thing. Maybe the village elder knew but we weren't privy to that despite the owner of our accommodation being 'that' elder.

In any case we were given a lift to the main road and informed that we would have to walk back to the resort as the road would be blocked and no cars would be able to get through...thank goodness I had the foresight to bring along my trusty little LED torch as there was almost zero visibility under this auspicious new moon. The way home was a little perilous, a track, and I do mean track as the once reasonably well maintained road has been reduced to little more than a goat track and was now mostly full of potholes, and broken rubble for so much of the way winding through the rice fields to our accommodation.

We marched up the street and found one group of Ogah Ogah's lined up with many groups attired in matching uniforms of sorts, eagerly banging drums and anything else that made noise, singing and dancing with excitement while children sat amongst the bamboo frames that had the giant Ogah Ogah's strapped into place, ready for their own parade to commence and wind through the little streets to who knows where.

Young boys eagerly await the start of the procession

Parading the giant effigies through the local village during Nyepi

We are invited to participate in this parade but it's not the village we had planned on being but the next village along so reluctantly we wave goodbye and head on back to Tengkulak.

 Here we find that Bali time is again ticking over ever so slowly and the only thing going on here is a little drinking party with the local youths who become quite vocal when they see us meandering along their little street which results in them inviting us to their little gathering, we decline of course and continue along observing only children the mandatory skinny dogs and a couple of older folk sitting idly by obviously waiting also for some sign of activity.......ah well the Ogah Ogah is still sitting in all it's glory at the temple so if we hang around here, eventually we'll see some action.

Temple Dancers during Ogah Ogah Ceremony

Temple Dancer at Ogah Ogah Ceremony

Meanwhile a group of young dancers spill out from one of the houses and we are treated to a most spectacular display, so beautiful in their vivid and elaborate costumes adorned with gold and magenta and their beauty is something else.

In due course as if by some unseen or unheard of signal people start appearing from behind the high walls of their homes along the village, the priests arrive and incense and offerings are placed at the feet of the Ogah Ogah and the boys who only a little earlier seemed to be in party mode started turning up with their uniform for the event, Bintang Singlets no less!....quite appropriate considering their earlier activities.

Excited children are running about, idling by and then making cheeky faces at us before rushing off as if they've just completed some courageous feat....like the Native Americans counting coup!
An elderly grandmother comes along, resplendent in her beautiful lacy top and sits within inches of me, there's lots of other room about but for some reason she wants to sit with me...she grins a toothy grin at me and I speak to her but or course she has no English and so we sit, silently and with equal anticipation I expect of the biggest event in the Balinese new year, Nyepi.

The detail is incredible in all of these Ogah Ogah statues

Before long, with much yelling from the party boys, and much banging of gongs, drums and numerous other instruments the Ogah Ogah is hoisted into the air aloft his bamboo platform...now this is going to be interesting as this effigy is absolutely enormous and towers way above the power lines which are strung back and forth across the little roadway where this Ogah Ogah is going to make his journey right up to the top and then all the way back down. Then I realise why there is a guy up front with an equally long length of bamboo with a forked end, wrapped in what appears to be some sort of cloth...yep he's going to lift those electrical wires dozens of times so that the Ogah Ogah can pass through. As so it comes to pass that with a lot of yelling of what I can only assume to be 'encouragement' the 'electricity guardian' does his job and despite my trepidation and fear that someone would be electrified in a huge shower of sparks, all goes to plan without a hitch...well that is if you don't count the whole procession grinding to a halt every few metres or so to enable the  wires to be lifted.

Hoisting the electicity lines so that the giant Ogah Ogah can pass through safely!

Once up and running all of the village folk follow along behind chatting and laughing and occasionally having the need to run for cover, scrambling over little gutters along the side of the roads, looking for a safe place to take cover as the boys carrying the Ogah Ogah seem to get a wobbly up and veer this way and that, intentionally or not I dont' know but I myself had to run for my life or be trampled in the excitement and mayhem on more than one occasion. This in itself was a great source of amusement for many of the local villagers, oh now I get it, perhaps we were the target for a little frivolity :)

All the while the noise flowed in waves form the musicians, the barking dogs, and shouting of what I can only assume to be directions for the Ogah Ogah or maybe it was another of the tactics to frighten off those evil spirits.

A couple of jovial guys spent the entire night blasting off fireworks of sorts from some huge bamboo tube with a little hole in it that they plugged with gunpowder and set alight...talk about workplace health and safety, NOT!  Anyway they were right in there amongst the masses of people and if you were in close proximity to them you could feel the heat from the force of the explosion rushing past you, not to mention the noise which was deafening. My friend and I tried always to be aware of where they were and to keep behind them or at least keep them within our sighs but it wasn't easy at times with the excitement of the night. At least I'm sure those pesky evil spirits would have been given short shift for sure.

Firecracker, local style...more like dynamite!

So with all the bad influences well and truly scared off, the Ogah Ogah having made it's journey up and back down the street, darkness was now upon us. The flaming bamboo torches that lit the night sky like something our of medieval times made this a mesmerizing night and one that I will never forget. I feel so privileged to be a part of this event where the giant, fantastic Ogah Ogah monsters that symbolize the evil spirits surrounding the environment and which have to be gotten rid of, did their job and hopefully this extravagant parade enabled this village to prosper once more in the coming year.

On the way to a temple performance in the local village

Another performer in the local village performance