Intuition

May the wings of visions flutter softly,

And may your Spirit perceive their message.....Mary Summer Rain

Now there's the challenge...how often have I asked for a sign, a vision, and felt like I've received nothing?
Have you ever had a thought from out of the blue or made some offhand statement and before you know it, it's happened!
So what's the difference, how come my most fervent request seems to get lost in the ethers and yet some random thought just happens and without any conscious effort!
I've decided that the former is conditional, that I make the request but I have a definite expectation of how I want that to happen, I have a strong attachement to it as opposed to that other random thought that passes through my mind without any further conscious thought.

And how do I expect to receive that answer to my request for guidance....am I open to receiving it in an ordinary and everyday way such as through a conversation with someone I might meet in the street, or in a magazine I might pick up somewhere like the Doctors or whilst I'm watching a movie or tv program or do I wait for that unlikely bolt out of the blue, a flash of  genius that I'm quite likely to miss entirely anyway....or during meditation..now that's always wishful thinking on my part...I can barely still my monkey mind long enough to actually relax let alone receive guidance from my Spirit guides or helpers.

There was a time when I consciously sat in silence, was involved with spiritual groups and actively practiced working with Spirit and I miss that.

I often become swept up in my lifestyle, not making time to be still and listen to that wise voice within, the voice of intuition that never lets me down.

When I reflect on my life I know that when I've listened to my intuition, been open to receiving it's messages of guidance, my life is richer, I have more confidence in the decisions I make and with that comes a trust that all is well in my world regardless of the outcome....I can trust because I have sourced my answers from the well within...I have sought council from my wiser self, my intuitive self...the self that has all the answers that I need if only I take the time to listen.

Note to self, take the time to be still every day, rush less, be open and aware of the beauty that is all around me.

On my morning walk I be more aware of those things that capture the attention of the many tourists that meander along the boardwalk with their cameras..... birds, vibrant flowers, a captivating sunrise or sunset, the still waters that sparkle in the sunshine, crabs scurrying about the shimmering mud flats.
 
Beauty is all around and I will take more time to enjoy, to soak it up in abundance and to give thanks for once again being aware that I too can capture the visions that softly flutter by and allow them to enhance my life.

Validation

I recently watched someone express some upsetting feelings to a group and was amazed at the response that was given which didn't provide any validation at all for this person.

It was obviously an uncomfortable moment for everyone there with the person who ought to have responded remaining silent which triggered a response by another who tried to calm the rippling waters.



From my observation the person who needed to be heard most was left feeling bewildered and unsupported and it seemed that the other people present were more than happy that someone else had taken on the unenviable task of trying to smooth the waters.


It takes a lot of courage to speak up and express feelings of dissatisfaction and to be left without any form of validation only increases the level of disappointment and often leaves the person feeling vulnerable and anxious and worse still, feeling like they're on the outside.

The initial complaint that had been made was obviously too hard to deal with, too confronting perhaps...... the person trying to calm the waters went off on a tangent, completely avoiding what had been said, not intentionally but desperate to keep the peace and doing her best to find something useful to say in response.

During the long discussion that followed on the fairly unrelated subject another person present must have been seething as once some semblance of normality had been regained, this person chose to take the soapbox and make a stand, mostly it resulted in personalities being drawn into the debate, again ignoring the issue that had been raised.

Validation is so important, people need to feel heard, there may not be an obvious answer or solution in the immediate moment, you may not agree, you may need time to think things over, weigh up the situation...but at the very least acknowledging the person gives everyone face, allows the aggrieved person to walk away with some dignity and avoids any impulsive and emotional responses that can be so hard to relinquish at a later date.



A friend taught me a valuable lesson a long time ago and it was a simple lesson but one I've always embraced.

Her advice was this.....'whenever you find yourself having a reaction to something someone has said or done, take a deep breath, stand back and ask yourself what am 'I' reacting to'

Take the focus off the other person and look within yourself...when you do this with honesty you will always find that there is some situation from our past that the current situation has triggered for you...it takes practice to stop reacting if have that type of personality but it's a matter of taking responsibility for your own reactions.

Reactions often have negative repercussions and well thought out actions will mostly generate a solution!

Affirmations for today!

I first heard of Louise Hay too many years ago to even contemplate and yet that little book "You can Heal your Life' has been part of my library every since...I carried a pocket version of it around in my handbag for years. It was that important to me.
But life has a way of twisting and turning and I explored many different avenues of healing, thinking and being and that little book disappeared from my handbag although the concept of how my thinking impacts my physical well being never left me.
Ever since first reading that book I have embraced wholeheartedly the concept of how I think has a direct impact on my physical wellbeing.
It's a standard in my circle of friends that when some illness or affliction is present in our lives that we say 'I wonder what Louise Hay says about that'.
Often I've thought about how heavy my toolbox has become, lots of workshops have been done, many, many self help books have been read and I've explored numerous other avenues of thinking....so many tools I gathered that I couldn't help but think from time to time that my toolbox was becomming way too heavy.
So heavy in fact that it was often difficult to see the forest for the trees in some ways.
It came as no surprise then that I found myself in possession of a cd recently called "you can do it" by Louise Hay and low and behold when I played that I'm sure she was speaking directly to me!
I had become that person who parroted on about how affirmations don't work, I could hear myself saying ' it doesn't matter how much you affirm this or that, if it;s not meant to be then it just won;'t happen"....I almost cringe now when I recall my arrogance and self righteousness.....and then I laugh at myself and am grateful that I have found my way back onto the path.
Those affirmations are important, they do work and I am embracing them wholeheartedly once again...I've come full circle and am happy to say I'm not always right...yes hard as they may sound for some! lol
So I have chosen my affirmations, I have written them down in my little book that I carry in my handbag...I do my best to recall them and repeat them out aloud as I'm driving or wherever I am that it feels right. I might not get them right in those instances but I recall them in the present tense, I believe that I am on  the threshold of new beginnings and am happy to use them as my creed.
Then when I have my little moment and my book in hand I repeat them again as I've written them.

It's funny how life rolls around and around, another layer of that onion has been peeled away and I am getting to the core of my being and it feels good.

Make a Wish Today!

Happy New Year..it's the year of the Water Dragon...a year where creativity is achievable.
I'm making my wish list now, today for the year ahead...my dreams, my aspirations, my desires and my needs of course!
I make lots of wish lists on new moons but this one is a special one, much more potent on the Chinese New Year and with the moon in my sign, Aquarius, it's perfect timing!

I think of the things I need often such as  good health, direction and clear vision in life ,to achieve my potential to have happy and harmonious relationships and to continue to be blessed with the wonderful life that I have.

Only yesterday I was reminded again when meeting up with a friend I hadn't seen for a while, 'you're so lucky' she said  and it's a comment I get often mostly from girlfriends in what I see as solid relationships...and yes I am very lucky, very fortunate and happy.

So what is it that seems to sit dormant in people's lives, they're in happy relationships, and yet they see something in my life that they appear to wish they had. ....note to self...next time I receive that comment I will ask 'what is it about my life that you ?

What one can feel happy with leaves another wanting and yet I think the main thing to focus on is to be grateful for what you have...not to measure ourselves against others...but to count our blessings...they come in many ways and in many guises.

So this I know, I am very fortunate, I am happy and I am blessed....I will focus on that today and whilst I will write my wish list I will also write my gratitude list....after all thinking about something is one thing but writing it down cements it in some way, focuses intent and intent is a strong and powerful action.  I'll make my wish today, I'll be crystal clear, I'll be positive and I'll make it count!

Casa Luna

I stood outside the famous Casa Luna restaurant in Ubud, Bali, gazing in I immediately felt a strong desire to step through the entrance into what looked like an amazing space and a welcome relief from the busy street life outside.
On stepping through the door I am immediately in awe of the fantastic decor, such a lavish environment and I'm transported back to an era reminiscent of Morocco or the Mediterranean.
Burnt orange walls, wrought iron chandeleirs, finely carved furniture, marble tabletops and enormous urns of tropical red and green flowers spilling out over the tables.

It's open plan, on a mezzanine type upper floor where you look down into yet another intimate dining area and I'm told the open air area where the famous cooking classes are held.
There's a mix of patrons here, some perhaps a spillover from the recent Writers and Readers Festival that has just come to a close but regardless of who and what people are there's a definite feeling of a 'cultured' genre.
Fabulous Latin music of the chill out, Ibiza style floats pleasantly through my senses.
If I closed my eyes and let my imagination run I could almost imagine Humphrey Bogart and that smoky alluring environment of years gone by.
The lush gardens surrounding the cafe seem to seamlessly meld into the interior and I find myself sinking into the chair and feeling almost as though someone waved a magic wand as an inner calm descents upon me and within me.
As I gaze around I am aware of enormous brass and stone statues of Buddha, Ganesha and other deities sitting or laying serenely all around the restaurant. You could laze away idly here for hours reading the local papers, your favourite book or just sipping lattes and watching the comings and goings within, so far removed it is from the hustle and bustle of the main street outside.
Whilst I'm enjoying Bali immensely, the food and the people and everything about it,  I realise it's a welcome change to be sitting in a restaurant that could be found anywhere back home in Australia and eating a meal that is so not Balinese... almost like a moment of normality and I feel familiar sense of gratitude washing over me.

Indigo, Scarlet and what's his name?

Having recently bought my new pet Siamese fighting fish that I named 'Indigo' I couldn't help but wonder about how lonely he must be.
I mean he just hung around so much of the time..that glorious crown tail hanging lankly about him, I'm sure his eyes were sad too, yes I know they were, no kidding.
So today I thought I'd find him a mate and a mate he got...well not a mate in the terms you might expect cause the females of the species are so uninteresting and insignificant ....I mean why would you bother!
So now I have 'Scarlet' a red and blue crown tail Siamese fighting fish...beautiful he is too.
Now I've been watching and admiring my 'Indigo' for the past few days or so and thought I knew every little fin and thing that he had but today when I placed the plastic bag containing 'Scarlet' into the adjoining tank Indigo' displayed a kind of shield I'd never seen before, he was so twitchy and obviously on high alert and this new set of fins or something flared out around his head...sheesh I couldn't believe him...feisty little critter he is!
Well of course little 'Scarlet' did the same thing, sizing each other up, ready for battle no doubt!
I didn't have the heart to introduce those two defenseless little guppies I'd bought to keep them company at this stage...no way jose!
They had to wait it out in their plastic bags until the coast was clear.
Little white translucent fish, one with a little yellow tail and the other with an orange tail...very cute indeed.
Eventually the guppies joined their new companions, one into each compartment of the tank and lets hope that they all live happily ever after. I'll call them the odd couples.

Now for all of you folk who think it's cruel to keep Siamese fighting fish in tiny little vases, stress less...it's actually what the fish prefer.
If I was to put those fish into a large tank they would hide in a corner or if I introduced a plant  they would hide in that...they are on alert at all times and the small container allows them to feel comfortable with 'patrolling' their patch so to speak...anything too big and they are very vulnerable.
Imagine how they live in their homeland, Thailand that is...they live in the puddles of water made by buffalo as they mosy on around the rice fields...small and contained spaces as you can see.
I tell you, next time I find myself in the rice fields of SE Asia and buffalo are about I'll be head down and bum up searching for these little fish in the wild....not to take them home of course, as if!!!
But I'd just like to see for myself, such beautiful fish and yet wallowing around in muddy rice paddies, somehow seems all wrong to me.
They get shipped over to Australia in little plastic bags of water, hundreds of them in large cardboard boxes, they have to be quarantined too so they obviously are very hardy so as I was told today, don't pamper them, don't keep their tanks squeaky clean and don't over feed them..
Can you imagine how that must feel, geez thank the lucky stars I wasn't born a fish or I'd be cranky all the time!
Now what am I going to call my little guppies....

Writers Block

What am I to do when I have writers block....sigh
The product of an overactive mind is what I think..so many thoughts and ideas racing through my mind in ever changing scenes....so much I want to talk about, so much I would like to say and with so much activity I can't find focus!
Which brings me back to the concept of being in the moment, I know that to be true and yet my overactive, analytical mind challenges me...daring me to be still......to sit in silence, to be in the now!
So what's the problem?
Where does this resistance originate from?
How can I rise above this overactive, dominating thought process?
What do I need to do?
Or is that the problem in a nutshell...thinking that I need to DO something?

One Day In Ubud

Ubud, a retreat away from the constant hum of motor bikes and honking of taxis cruising the streets looking to 'çatch' a fare....and I say catch cause we were caught twice in the one night in Seminyak...didn't read the little zero's on the meter did we!! and it cost more than the meal we had and the swish Italian restaurant.

We find accommodation at the Champlung Sari Hotel opposite the monkey forest so we have seen the odd errant chimp scurrying about..we have to keep our doors closed so they don't get into our room...bugger, can you image that!

The grounds man guards the pool diligently with shanghai in hand and I can't help but wonder how that old male monkey who has come down to sip a drink from a puddle of water by the pool would have fared if we hadn't come along....another younger monkey heads straight for the pool water....mmmmmmm tasty chlorine and all!

Monkey forest road is a narrow thoroughfare winding up and down, but mostly up from where we are..all along are shops selling all sorts of Hindu deities, Ganesha, Buddha, Vishnu and the ever present statues of Bali’s Romeo and Juliet aka Rama and Sita.

All sorts of kites, stone carvings, silver jewellery, up market clothing, sarongs and a multitude of cafe's selling every type of food .Oh and did I mention the ever popular carved penis..yes it comes in all sizes, mostly wooden and even ornately painted for the cultured at heart...for the life of me I have no clue as to the significance of them and not sure who I could approach to enlighten me either lol...and should I buy one and for whom I wonder!

Prices are up market in comparison to where we've come from. To me, after spending time browsing and buying in Legian and Seminyak, here in Ubud we're being charged Toorak, Double Bay or Noosa prices so fortunately very few additions had been added to my already burgeoning load, at this stage at least! But it's early days!

I've had a bit of a shopping frenzy already having bought some beautiful silver jewellery, exquisite cushion covers for my bed ( new colour theme imminent) that very heavy shell light I just had to have and now have to cart around the country, the usual mandatory cd's and dvd's for less than $1 each and numerous other knick knacks and we’ve only been in Bali for one week!

So what to do next I wonder...oh yes a Balinese massage that was just so good and I got the bonus 30 minute foot massage with it....of course the oil slicked hair was a good look for dinner in the swanky Ubud ‘Home Made Restaurant’....2 for 1 cocktail hour it happened to be so a couple of Mojitos for us set the mood before our sumptuous dinner of grilled tuna, Balinese style and wrapped in banana leaf with rice....yum.

Once again the Balinese have ambiance down to a fine art, entering the restaurant by stepping stones over a pond filled with water plants, stone carved Buddhas and little candles and fairy lights everywhere...the main eating area set up high on a deck overlooking the comings and goings of the main street of Ubud with colourful lights, flowering frangipani trees and the constant stream of people wandering the shops and cafe's along the way.

A cultural performance is under way and the rhythmic Balinese sounds drift across the night skies...Paul Kelly is playing somewhere in town tonight, with the infamous Steve Bisley as host...this is part of the Ubud Writers Festival that is currently underway. I make a mental note to return same time next year to thoroughly explore the many activities which are a feature of the Writers and Readers Festival, tick, locked in.

This morning we've been up for our buffet breakfast with the monkeys scattered about the place, a brood of what look like manx kittens playing about in the gardens and the raucous sounds of a restaurant full of French folk...yeah well say no more...I'm not impressed but then again I never am by arrogance and I'm seeing it in full bloom here.

So off we trek once more up the hill to the local market where we haggle over the Barung I'm trying to find for my son...it's a mission impossible as it turns out and in the end I decide I will not be coerced into buying any as the price is so variable and the quality dubious for many...I also pass on the Ganesha statue I was hoping to buy and the pair of  stone Rama and Sita statues as alas, my luggage is weighing pretty darn heavy already.....so that's another trip for me along with the ornate umbrella and other 'must haves' I'll be putting on my shopping list for my next trip.

So now I head home to rest and prepare for my foray into the monkey forest, I'm going alone as my friend isn't up to those pesky little monkeys jumping out at her and on her at their whim!!

It's going to be tricky taking photos and dealing with the monkeys at the same time!

Tomorrow we take a tour and head to the volcano, some temples, the elephant rides, maybe, and numerous other sights of interest that we may or may not be interested in.....

Just another day in paradise!

My secret island paradise

“crystal clear azure blue water, golden sands , vivid sunsets and little else to do but read, swim, dive, snooze, drink and eat"

There is this amazing French run resort just north of Nha Trang, I’m not telling it’s name because I want to keep it a secret…some other Aussies and I decided this was the best course of action to preserve this idyllic piece of paradise.

Huge smooth boulders dot the horizon and the waterline creating images of whales backs popping up out of the water.  My friend went snorkeling and came across a stone fish right where lots of people were swimming. Another came across a sea snake, ah well its all part of the day’s adventure in these parts.

Despite these little discoveries, this place is one of the  gems of Viet Nam’s coastline, an eco resort to boot.  It’s comparison to everyday life in the bustling metropolis  of Saigon is extreme to say the least. It would be so easy to forget that you were in Viet Nam when chilling out here.

For those who know me well you will understand what a big thing it was for me to be faced with all meals being seafood, I mean give me a fillet of white fish any day and I’ll eat it but all these other strange textured delights didn’t have me salivating in any way, hungry as I was …...but it was a case of eat or starve to death and that would absolutely have spoiled my holiday in paradise.

The first meal was crumbed prawns on a pasta dish that also included some variety of fish, followed by a bowl of fresh fruits including the ever popular dragon fruit  and yes I ate that too….I’m sure my face gained many more lines during that first gastronomic  experience such was my resistance to thinking that I could enjoy what I was eating! 

Next meal consisted of more prawns, bigger ones and grilled this time around….then out came the squid, gawd did I really have to eat all those squiggly looking critters!!!!...then fish balls of unknown origin followed by a mud cake of dubious ingredients, no sweetness but boy was it rich.

All washed down with a local beer, cha da (iced tea) and water.

Thankfully our accommodation was picture perfect,  cute little bungalows set amongst large pots of colourful flowers within a stone’s throw to the beach, thatched rooves, dark bamboo woven walls, mozzie nets hanging over the enormous bamboo beds, overhead fans whirring their heads off…It was just gorgeous and it was impossible not to feel like you really were in paradise.

The main communal area features a huge deck with lots of chairs for lazing about doing little more than staring out over the crystal clear waters sparkling under a tropical sun and when the sun starts it’s sleepy descent on the horizon the colour play is something else…. the colours change from yellow to orange to deep pink and finally red as it disappears behind the hills in the distance. For the more tactile there is a billiard room with lounges for watching tv or dvd or reading any of the large variety of books and magazines provided.  All of your needs are well catered for and if the lifestyle here all gets a bit too much then it’s only a short stroll to your bungalow across the warm sands if a nap is calling.

Indigo

I bought a fish tank ages ago, one of those little jobs with the divider in the middle, suitable for Siamese Fighting Fish...horrible name for such extraordinary looking fish.
I found a couple of pet shops but the specimens were rather ordinary and so the fish tank has sat on the kitchen bench, full of water resplendent with little aquarium ornaments but no fish!!
Today in the midst of a heat wave  as I'm driving through the local town I suddenly thought about the fish, oh goodie I'll pop into that pet shop and get me 2 fish, one red and one blue.

Can someone tell me why every time  I go to buy a fish or two that they're practically out of the little critters....if they're so in demand well why don't they stock more?
Anyways I digress, I did choose one very beautiful deep blue 'crown tail' and enquired as to the intricacies of keeping siamese fighting fish...well apparently their needs are fairly low, just a water neutraliser and some food that will last for 10years at the rate I'm to feed this fish daily, 3 - 4 granules only and the jar has about a zillion in it!!

So the salesperson popped my little fish into a plastic mug with a lid on it  and off I marched up the street as proud as punch, talking to my little pet all the way to my car.
He fitted nicely into the cup holder and as I took off with music pumping I wondered about whether my little mate likes my music. and whether the decible level would be harmful to his wellbeing.....well he'd better get used to it cause when I drive back to Cairns he and his mate, yet to be purchased will sit side by side in their own individual cups in the centre console,  all the way home.

It seems all I have to do is pop the lid off at the end of day for a little gasp of oxygen, change the water and pop in a couple of feed granules and we should all travel quite happily together...after all I did ask for a travel companion so there you go, 'be careful of what you ask for'...cause you know what might happen....:)


Oh and Indigo is his name, his mate, when I find him will be called Scarlett cause he'll be red of course! It has rather a nice ring to it I think, Scarlet and Indigo!

And maybe I'll even train them to do this in time.... ewwwwwwwwwwwww!!!

Is Happiness a State of Mind?

Often the question arises ‘what is happiness’.

Articles appear periodically with different perspectives on what ‘it’ is and how to find ‘it’ or get ‘it’

Is it something to be found which indicates that it’s something outside of us or worse still, something we have LOST?

So what does it mean to me, this thing called happiness?

Do I have it already?  Have I ever had it? Have I always had it?

And if so then when?

Did I have it and did it slip from my grasp?

Is it a perception, a state of mind?

So where will I find this thing called happiness

It’s something I’ve pondered long and hard over at times.

So if I’m to be honest with myself about ‘Am I happy’ then I need to ask myself what happiness mean to me.

How would I describe happiness?

Is it a feeling of euphoria and if so how long can that feeling be logically maintained and would it in fact be healthy to maintain an ongoing state of euphoria.

It's a complex question it seems!
In order to experience happiness do we have to experience sadness, how else would we know we are in fact happy like yin and yang.

Is happiness meant to be a feeling to have all of the time…that doesn’t sound right cause then there would be no room for the other emotions that are considered normal also……sadness, anger, regret, hurt and fear…love, contentment, bliss, satisfaction, acceptance, forgiveness and so on

So are there different levels of happiness…can I be happy on a lesser level all of the time and then as the pendulum swings high, low or mid range will I have a different level of this happiness?

If I’m asked if I’m happy then I’ll answer ‘well of course, Im always happy’……but am I really……perhaps I need to delve deeper into this prospect.

Many people believe they can’t be happy unless they are sharing their life with someone…and that often comes at the price of achieving happiness as in any relationship there will be ups and downs and I ask, who can maintain their personal equilibrium during such times.

Is happiness about being stimulated and can a person be happy without stimulation. Sometimes it seems necessary for a person to have to have something to do or to have something to look forward to or to be working towards or life can seem mundane and boring.

So what if a person could have that happiness and contentment by sitting still, by having nothing at all to do other than by just being in the moment.

Often being at the sea will instill a feeling of happiness, the sparkling azure blue water stretching as far as the eye can see, the sun reflecting off the water creating an idyllic feeling or the warm sand beneath your feet, swaying palm trees, a gentle breeze, a picture postcard  setting….ideal situations for being ‘happy’…it’s like all your troubles and stresses just drain away by being in such peaceful surroundings.

And what if that same beach becomes overcast, grey clouds hover over the horizon, the sea no longer calm with the waves crashing against the shoreline, the gentle breeze now a howling wind….it’s the same place and for some it’s even more appealing and yet for others it becomes an irritating feeling, impossible to feel calm and at peace and therefore bereft of happiness.

And solitude…what part can solitude play in the search for happiness. I avoid the word ‘pursuit’ as that conjures up an image of having to chase something whereas searching for something says more about looking for something, being open to where it might come or where it might be ‘realised’.

I’m thinking that there’s a lot of old programming that needs to be released regarding happiness and what constitutes happiness…often a person who is happy will have the happiness challenged by someone who hasn’t found it yet or can’t possibly see themselves being happy in that particular situation, at least not at the present moment.

Perhaps its’ overrated, that happiness has been built up to be something huge, unattainable and only real if it’s by some major event like finding the mate of your dreams, getting married, being rich, owning your own home, having the perfect job, having mega dollars in the bank.

Which begs the question, can any of these things on their own will be the sole harbinger of happiness considering they are external influences. And will happiness form an external source ensure happiness within.

I think we must find a way to embrace all of us, every little part of who we are. To be comfortable with ourselves, our achievements and our failures, our ups and our downs and most importantly to like who we are.

Regardless of how me measure our successes, our social standing in society, our achievements, our losses, our looks, our families, our failures, they’re all merely stepping stones along the pathway to fulfillment ……. and when we can balance all of those, it’s my belief that we will then have ‘found’ or ‘embraced’ our happiness.

When we can balance the ledger of life…accept all of what that life has encompassed regardless of who, what, why, where and when….. and reach the sum total of where we are TODAY, accept it, be thankful for who we are and what we have, then we are ready to be open to happiness….

When you can spend time alone, in the depths of your despair and embrace it and accept it, when you can rise to the challenge of taking care of your own needs and not needing other people to fulfill them for you, when you can realise that you hold the power and you are at the helm of your search for happiness then you’ll be well on the way to achieving self satisfaction, personal fulfillment, peace and contentment and surprise, surprise, happiness.

I also wonder if happiness doesn’t have to be an earth shattering feeling of elation as that type of happiness although wondrous in itself, can’t endure and then there’s the risk of feeling ‘unhappy’ when that jubilation subsides when in fact if you are honest with yourself, you often aren’t really unhappy it’s more the lack of stimulation that disguises itself as unhappiness…… find your equilibrium let your pendulum swing gently and embrace the ebb and flow of life’s journey.

Happiness can be something soft and gentle, a subtle inner feeling of peace and harmony that will envelop your being without you realising it, like the boiling frog syndrome……maybe you’ve had it for some time now without realising it.

As you’ve become more comfortable with who you are, as you’ve become master or mistress of your own ship, making your own decisions, not having to be accountable to other people..being comfortable in your own company, planning your own social calendar without having to consider anyone else, staying out late, having a sleepover with a friend, reading in bed until all hours, switching the light on and off at random all through the night, switching the tv on if you can’t sleep, cooking a meal when u want it, having baked beans on toast for dinner….yes when I look at it like that, I do believe I’m happy!

Ground Zero

Wandering along JL Legian on my first foray out in midtown Legian, I come across the site of the Bali Bombing, known locally as Ground Zero.

Many tourists are taking photos and the very thought seems so obscene to me. Memories of the incessant media coverage of the blast along with visions of the many wounded and bloodied holiday makers running in panic, flood my whole being.

The footage plays through my mind of panic stricken tourists struggling to carry those unable to fend for themselves, wounded by such a senseless act of terrorism.

As I turn back around to take another look, I feel goose bumps spreading over my body.

I feel uncomfortable stopping and rush on by to stand back for one moment and gather my thoughts; no I didn’t wish to linger at all.

As I move on, a little further along I come across Paddy’s Bar and again memories flood my mind along with the media reports of people that were there and rushed out to see what the commotion was all about.  Of people who had been saved by being there at that bar and not at the Sari Club.

I am catapulted back to that time and recall where I was at the precise moment I heard the news.  I was en route to Melbourne driving down from the Sunshine Coast, when the news report broke we were driving through Rockhampton.

So vivid is the memory of that fateful event that was to have monumental repercussions for so many people. So many killed, injured, widowed and affected on so many levels and for the devastating and long term implications  for Bali, it's people and it's economy.

It was also when I personally made the decision not to go to Bali, I knew it would affect the gentle people I’d heard so much about and who depended so much on tourism for their livelihood. But it was a decision I felt compelled to make at that time.

It is only now, so many years later that I have been drawn to this mystical land. It took a long time for me to feel ready to venture there, not because of any fear of terrorism but it was a decision made on a much deeper level.…I put Bali out of my sphere of thought, off my radar and never once considered journeying there, not until recently when it felt right and what an amazing experience that was.

I could write volumes about that wondrous experience but that’s for another time…suffice to say I’m returning in a matter of weeks to bask in that vibration once again…I absolutely loved that trip, the people, the spirituality, the beauty, the food…the whole package.

Of books, travels and intimate relationships

The book fell off the bookshelf onto the floor in front of the lady next to me and I said to her 'maybe that's meant for you'.
She looked at it and smiled, it was about female health, we both chuckled.
A moment before the falling book she had made a quick offhand remark about another book title, something about 'finding the perfect mate'...we both chuckled again and she commented 'why bother, they're all the same'....ouch I thought to myself.
While I don't necessarily agree with her statement, I knew where she was coming from.
We were of similar ages and no doubt she like myself could tell a story or two from a rich tapestry of lifetime experiences which in her case seemed to have left her a little jaded and perhaps a little bitter.
For a brief moment I thought to make a comment and then I caught myself and thought 'how lucky am I' I could write a book on my life and experiences and not all of which have been good but on the whole I felt a sense of gratitude for being where I am today...I might be a little cynical but I'm certainly not jaded and bitter..... what I am is the sum total of all those experiences and for who I am I truly give thanks. I have a good life, in fact I have a great life.


My new found friend reaches up and  plucks another book  from the shelves  and drops it into her basket, she seems pleased and turns to me to share her find,   'An Authentic Life' by Caroline Jones..on that we both nod in agreeance...it would be a stimulating read that one! Uplifting I think I heard her say!

The Salvos bookshelves hold a a treasure trove of stories, biographies, classic reads, history, study, childrens with a  book to please every reader.
I so love a bookshop or secondhand shop where it's like a jumble sale and this one is like a giant factory, stuff everywhere and all over the place, just how I like to do my fossicking...all neat and tidy doesn't inspire me at all....I can scan a shop like that in seconds and be out the door in no time!

So back to the bookshelves of the Salvos, in my arms were two books, both chosen for friends.
The Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner PhD and what a great read that was when I discovered it so many, many years ago...it was one of those aha moments for me and it literally changed the way I chose to act in my relationships.....these days, whenever I come across it or the Dance of Deception or the Dance of Intimacy I grab it to share around.. Some great insights for anyone who wants to change the patterns of intimate relationships.....and a can of worms that subject would open up and I'm not about to enter into today....there wouldn't be enough space here to delve into the depths of that subject!!

My other book is titled 'Indonesian Gold' based on the 'events surrounding the infamous billion dollar gold fraud and the determined few who destroyed so many lives in their all consuming quest for gold in Kalimantan, Indonesian Borneo'.
Having been to Borneo myself I was drawn to this and will read it before passing it onto a past partner and travel companion who I'm sure will immerse himself into this tragic story.

I recall flying into Borneo over the immense jungles and being shocked to look down and see so much logging cancer dotted about the landscape....I had visions of a dense and untouched environment, teaming with animals and pretty much untouched by modern civilization.
How naive was I, I did many walks through the jungle on designated pathways, not the rugged trekking you might expect, and in the whole time I only saw two butterflies and one of those was dead...I barely saw a bird, none of those exotic primates where I was and although my trip to Borneo still  remains one of the highlights of my SE Asian travels., it was a shock and a great disappointment to realise that the mighty jungles of this far off land have been decimated just like every other.
Can you image logging with the use of helicopters, well that's what they did when the terrain was too rugged to get to by road and there is a lot of inaccessible land in that part of the world.
I feel sad to recall the memories of that destruction and yet I was and remain in total awe of the immensity of the caves I was lucky enough to visit. That was the jewel in the crown for me.

One cave, affectionately known as the Bat Cave could hold something like 47 jumbo jets inside and they still don't know the exact depth and distance that cave penetrates into the earth...it's almost impossible to comprehend until you're inside and even then it's absolutely mind blowing trying to rationalise the sheer size..underground rivers, thousands of bats, plants that only grow in that particular region of the world and crystal clear water like no other.

Who would have thought that a trip to the local second hand book shop and  meeting a fellow browser would have stirred such vivid memories of one of the most wonderfully exciting trips of my lifetime....I must return to Borneo, experience those caves once more, stand in awe of the ribbon of bats that thread their way so spectacularly through the dusk sky each evening amidst  the almost deafening sound that accompanies their nightly voyage as they head out in search of food..

So thank you Helene, you've inspired me and triggered some deeply satisfying memories...on the one hand of intimate relationships and on the other of a trip of a lifetime that I will never forget....

The day my earth shook

The day started like any other, breakfast in the restaurant overlooking the rice fields, workers in conical hats going about their daily tasks, guests getting organised to set off on their daily tours, leaves being scooped from the pools, fresh red hibiscus and white and yellow frangipani flowers being meticulously placed in bowls of water as offerings to Rama and Sita and the various other deities dotted about the place.

We grab our books and head for the pool in the rice fields...it's such an idyllic setting, peaceful and quiet, not yet too hot to enjoy lazing about in the lush surrounds of Bhanuswari Resort in Ubud.
We're surrounded by emerald green rice shoots in straight rows standing like soldiers in fields of water sparkling brilliantly from the early morning sun reflecting off the surface.

Settling onto our  banana lounges under the generous umbrella,  we open our books and chat idly until  something triggers us off and we giggle like a couple of school girls, laughing about my suggestions that there might be a huge snake lurking in the water when in fact it's the reflection of coloured tiles on the bottom of the pool giving the impression of a giant serpent. Such was the frivolity of the day.

A couple of other guests meander along and settle into their recliners, books in hand. If they were thinking they had come for a quiet and peaceful read they were mistaken as once again we got the giggles and had trouble containing ourselves.
Eventually got ourselves together, gathered our bits and pieces and headed back to our room as it was almost time for our spa appointments.
A quick spruce up, change of clothes and although we were early we decided to head down to the spa. What a glorious sight it was inside, two rooms open to the elements on two sides, sunken white baths with floating hibiscus flowers awaited those who would opt for the flower petal treatment. Sheer luxury I thought to myself.
We just smile at each other and settle in the comfy chairs to await the girls  arrival  for our treatments.
Sandy chooses her nail colour and discusses the artistry for her nails and lays down for her session of pampering.

Me, I choose the flower facial and my girl gets to work on my treatment.  Smooth cream is applied and gently wiped off, another more gritty creme is applied, a vigorous facial massage ensues, my mind and body are becoming more and more relaxed as she works her magic...this concoction is removed with warm soft cloths, next  a mask is applied heavily to my face and content with her work, my girl gently places flower petals on my closed eyes.
Soft rhythmical Balinese music is playing in the background, birds are chirping about the grounds and so it's a restful space that I find myself in. I take a deep breath and breathe out fully....oh what bliss I think as I sigh and settle myself for the next hour or so of  pampering.

The only distraction in that moment was from the sound of what I thought was the overhead fan being turned on as I heard a vibration not unlike when a ceiling fan starts off and it's a little unbalanced.. no worries I think to myself, it'll settle in a moment and I let go of that thought at once...
But the vibration gets stronger and my impulses are on alert, I'm not sure what came next, the realisation that the whole building was shaking and that pesky fan was so out of whack that the whole floor seemed to be shuddering, just at that moment I was aware that the two spa girls were chattering loudly and quite excitedly and then I felt sure that fan was going to come right of it's axis and I didn't want to be laying there under it when it did!
I sat up and pulled those flower petals off in a bit of a panic, just in time to see the whole structure of the building swaying and the girls beckoning wildly for us to follow them and so we all ran outside.....oh my God,  this was a damn earthquake and we were right in it!!!

My masseur was still holding onto my arm with a grip that was so strong, matched only by the strength of the words she was repeating over and over, so loudly and so fervently, prayers obviously.

I recall during this rapid chain of events, looking across at my friend and I will never forget the look of fear I saw in her eyes.  This was really scary and I became aware too of feeling my own terror as I really was shaking like a leaf from fright as this had happened so unexpectedly.


So much was happening all at once,  I was  desperately trying to process where I should be,  the earth was moving  and I didn't know if the ground where we were standing was going to open up and we'd all fall into a giant crevice....thoughts of Japan and Christchurch flashed through my mind adding to my fear and vulnerability.

As I glanced up I saw the roof of the building flapping up and down and I felt the earth under my feet rising and falling...oh crap I thought, this is serious!!! I desperately tried to process where I should be, should I run over there, should I stay where I am, do I want to stay with the girls holding so tightly onto my arm....what? where?  how and why???

I knew standing next to the building wasn't the brightest option but what to do? ..... in some way I felt frozen to the spot, waiting, waiting for what?.... all these thoughts were simultaneously  rushing through my mind, all seeming to roll into one string of rapidly alternating processes.

And then somewhere in the distance I  heard male voices and one of the spa girls announced 'finisssed' signifying the tremor was over.


A discussion took place between us all in fractured English about Bali having earthquakes before and not for some years had this happened in recent times. Oh great, was this supposed to instil calmness and relief? It was going to take a bit more than that to quell my anxiety as the adrenalin was still surging through my body.

Later my friend seemed a little cranky that I had asked so many questions once we had settled down a bit... part of my being able to come to terms with it all meant that I needed to know how often this happened in Bali, when was the last time etc as this would help me to determine the level of danger and the likelihood of further tremors.

Of course I couldn't see my own face and only later did my friend laugh many times over recalling how she looked across at me during the quake when we were all holding hands and being prayed over...actually I was praying too as I'm sure my friend  was..... and wondered if the colour had drained from my face in shock only to quickly realise that it was the white clay mask caked on my face with only my eyes uncovered....sheesh I thought to myself, what if I'd been swallowed up in a giant crevice, what a horrible sight my kids would have identified me with this skeletal white face.....it's amazing what non sensical thoughts race through your mind when in a traumatic situation like this.


In Queensland I know what to do in the event of a cyclone and from having worked so many times in community recovery after disasters that comes as second nature but I didn't have any idea and was totally unprepared for what to do in the event of an earthquake.

Strangely, once all of the excitement had settled down we all just went back inside and resumed our facial and manicures, no workplace health and safety checks here....so siree.....we chatted a little and mostly laughed as we recalled the series of events as the reality dawned on each one of us in that moment when we realised that we were in the midst of an earthquake,  even the girls with their limited English seemed to understand and laughed with us.

It did however take me quite a while to relax, despite the facial being resumed and the music turned back on...I struggled to feel any semblance of that tranquility I was experiencing prior to the tremor. I was still on alert, the tension was not peaking but certainly still rated quite highly....my deep breathing and visualization techniques needed extra effort on that day.

Later when we returned to the reception area we learned from the internet that a 6.8 magnitude earthquake had hit underwater 143 klms sth west of Nusa Dua.
With my limited knowledge of earthquakes, I instinctively felt that the reading would have been around a 5 where we were and this was later confirmed by one of the locals. I have no way of knowing and regardless of what the reading was, it was strong and it was very frightening and I certainly hope I don't ever experience that again in my lifetime.

Drifting into another dimension..........

I don't know about you but when I watch a vivid sunset unfolding before me I find myself drifting into another dimension....take last night for instance, sitting at the waters edge sipping a red wine, nibbling on some cheese and crackers, watching the water splashing about the smooth rocks lining the shore as two lone surfers paddled about waiting in anticipation of catching a wave...one moment the sun seemed to have little colour, just a normal summers day coming to a close and then all of a sudden it took on this illuminescent glow...as yellow as a buttercup and as that tired old sun slid slowly down towards the horizon the glow intensified spilling it's shimmering glow out across the water in an almost blinding display of light and beauty.

I became aware of the smile on my face and instinctively realised that I also felt that smile all the way through me into the centre of my being....I was like a small child, full of excitment and bubbling over with glee....to anyone watching they'd surely think I had never seen the sun set before in my life.


Somehow everything else failed to exist in that moment... it was just me and that sunset, that display of vivid light mesmerised me,  drawing me in deeper as the scenes in this majestic movie played out before me.

It was yellow, then orange and then it was golden and the contrasting dark clouds in the background painted the most amazing vista,  shaping the pyramid of the solitary mountain silhouetted in the distance.

A small flock of birds moved gracefully and silently across the landscape,  at once I was remembering those plaster birds that took pride of place on the wall when I was a child. Their wings outstretched on their journey to who knows where, just like this real life picture I was watching unfold before me.

What is it about the natural beauty of our environment that has the ability to soothe the most busy mind, release the tightest muscular knots and bring such peace a joy to a troubled heart with such minimal effort required...just the simple choice of  sitting still long enough to be witness to such an extraordinary event....these opportunities are all around us and yet in our busy and frenetic lives we so often don't take the time to 'smell the roses'.

Happiness and beauty can be found all around us if we make one conscious decision every day to open our eyes and truly 'see'. It's the small pleasures in life that can bring the most joy....seizing the moment in one thing and the challenge to retain it is something else entirely!

Bargain Hunters Extravaganza

I woke up this morning and thought 'far out it's the 3rd' woohoo!..... and what does that mean you may well ask...well it means that the mega op shop nearby opens its doors after the holidays...
I had an extra spring in my step as I bounded out of bed looked at the clock and determined what I could do in the time I had before departure.
In normal times people queue up waiting for the doors to open so you can imagine what it might be like today, I know I have had withdrawals and the bargains to be had in that shop are nothing short of amazing.
Wouldn't you know it, despite getting there early there were  people already milling around the entrance and grabbing bargains as the poor guy was doing his best to price things....but wait what does that sign say "50% off today"....hooley dooley I had better smarten up lest I miss out and I can't have that.

Yes I know I'm leaving in 2 weeks to return to Cairns, and yes I know I have swapped my 4WD for a little sporty car but hey, a bargain is a bargain and I've always got my storage shed to store my excess treasures in!! So what's the problem?

I filled up my basket in the first five minutes, had to pay for that and do a quick dash to the car before heading back into the fray...there were so many bargains to be had and I wasn't missing out if I could help it.
And it wasn't long b4 the second basket was full along with my spare arm so I called it quits and considered it a good mornings work.
What did I get?? Oh lots of things...clothes for the grandkids, a fab straw hat for me for Bali, a Jimmy Choo handbag ( ex Bali no doubt ) a humungous bunch of silk white lillies which by the way,  will go well with the huge bunch of pink lillies I've already collected and that bunch of lotus flowers..where will I put them, damn I live in a studio apartment!!!!

What else, oh yes a 30 piece set of those cute little white pearly shell bowls and plates also from Bali, two antique looking brass and glass candle holders that almost look like they once belonged to Florence Nightingale....a bunch of plastic containers for storing stuff in, a couple of cd's a wiggles dvd for the grandkids, a new bamboo table runner, a gorgeous top for myself (red of course) a leadlight hanging flower thingy for my daughter, a velvet leopard print jewellery box for my daughter, a fairy dress for my granddaughter, a canon mini printer for my laptop and all that cost me $27.50...yes I'm serious less than $30...I tell you I feel like I'm in heaven when I score like this....and I've probably forgotten some other curios as I got too much to remember all in one go for sure.
Oh I did forget the most important find, a ukelele...yep I'm gonna take it back to Cairns and join the local group in readiness for the upcoming Ukelele Festival..it's a Toy Story themed instrument too hehehe

So what do you think? Yeah it looks cool I know you like it lol
Anyway I'm off to play my Uke now...duelling banjos here I come!

What's in a new year?

I've long been of the belief that the way I spend my new years eve sets up my coming year.
So it's important who I spend it with and what I'm doing...I'd hate to spend it amongst drunks and aggressive people for instance, nor would I want to spend it with someone who's company I don't enjoy...  I sure wouldn't want to introduce that into my coming year, would you?
This year I spent it with 3 girlfriends, not just any girlfriends mind you but gf's who have been in my life for many years ...we had a few drinks we laughed a lot we messed about being silly and took lots of  photos and  you know what struck me the most when looking through all of the photos the next today?   we all looked so very happy...what a way to welcome in the new year.....that's what I want in my life...lots of laughter and happiness and the company of good fiends...friends who compliment me,  and I them.
Those particular girlfriends were pretty special to me....one I have known for 19 years...we met when I first moved from Victoria to Qld, our partners worked together and we became good friends...we drifted apart for various reasons, mostly because I'm considered a gypsy of sorts and move around a lot  but we built a strong foundation way back then and today we still have a special bond........then there's another special girlfriend I met at a speed dating night 11 years ago...we didn't much like the blokes but sitting around having a drink afterwards we hit it off and and we've shared many ups and downs through a multitude of interesting relationships and more recently travelled to Bali together.....then there's girlfriend number three and we met through a mutual friend around 4 years ago when I was looking for accommodation on one of my many trips south....it seemed we were such opposites but I moved in and we've remained good friends since.  I come and go her house,  in my many trips down to the Sunnie Coast, her door has always been open to me and without a tv for distraction we've become great scrabble partners!
It's easy to make acquaintances but it's those real friends, the ones you can always count on that sustain you in times of upheaval, laugh with you during your madcap adventures and give you a stern word or two when they see you getting off track....they're as precious as the most prized jewels.

I truly am so blessed as I have many friends that I consider 'special' .....they live all down the east coast of Australia and my lifestyle of moving about fairly frequently prevents me from seeing most of them on a regular basis...so to receive not one but two phone calls completely out of the blue on new years eve day from two very long time friends brought such joy to my heart....I love those surprises and the feeling of love and connection that ignited during those calls was sooooooooo uplifting.

I was happy enough at the time, no pressing issues in my life to grapple with and everything in my world was in order so the feeling of well-being that I got from those calls was a bit a shock really.
Was I on auto pilot prior to that, what was it about those calls that gave me such a boost?
Perhaps it's like the boiling frog....life just bubbles along with no real thoughts of how I'm actually feeling..what's happening inside?
Here I was thinking to myself, yes I'm happy or more realistically was I really thinking at all... I think the latter is the more likely scenario....life just keeps on drifting along.


Living so far apart from dear friends has eventuated in our paths getting wider and wider apart....but  friendships like these don't ever finish...we might get caught up in our lives, and feel the thread that connects us stretching wider and wider apart but on some deeper level I know they are still there as I'm sure they know I am still there in their sphere of being......and you know what I love so much about true friends? it's the fact that we might not have had any contact whatsoever for such a long time, we mightn't have seen each other face to face in years but when we do connect we just take up where we left off...the joy and the depth of meaning of those friendships surge up within and it's the greatest feeling....this is what has happened for me this nye....it's a wondrous thing, a very special gift and I do truly treasure the beautiful and genuine girlfriends that remain just that...
Something is happening in my world, something that has brought good friends back into my consciousness, something I can't quite put my finger on right now....I just know that it's a good thing and I'm so happy .

So what will 2012 bring for me, what do I want to manifest in 2012 and how will I go about that......I have a  big blank canvas before me, paint brushes in hand and I'm ready to begin............