Stepping out of that comfort zone

I went and saw the movie "The Way:" yesterday...it's set on the Camino de Santiago where for almost a 1000 years pilgrims have been making the trek and in more modern times, even cycling and culminating in north west Spain at Sanitago de Compostela.

What I liked so much about the storyline is how a group of relatively random people can come together to share a journey that inevitably changes their lives forever.

I say relatively random because, depending on your particular belief system, one might agree that there are no co incidences in life and therefore they were all meant to come together just at that particular time and just for that particular experience.

It also reminded me of how easy it is to find some excuse to walk away from something that presents as unpleasant. Whether that's through some form of uneasy communication, a clash of personality or a belief that you have absolutely nothing in common with a person who you have crossed paths with. A random experience you might say or even thinking that it's a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time..but is that really the case? Are there ever any chance encounters or is it part of some divine plan?

So all of a sudden, seemingly out of the blue you're thrown into turmoil with no way of avoiding the person who triggered this unwelcome exchange of words,  this expression of some dark emotion that has been laying dormant for some time, sneakily lurking just below the surface.  So often in everyday life it's been contained and then in the blink of an eye, whamo just like that it's out there, words said, actions expressed which results in there being no way to ever erase those words or actions from that moment in time.

And so just like in this movie 'The Way' the main character just wants to walk the Camino de Santiago alone, a personal pilgrimage for someone in a highly emotive state and then along comes a brusk character, larger than life that will change the course of his life and as if that's not bad enough for our lead character, there's a couple of other odd bods that choose to tag along and become intricately woven into this life changing adventure. They're all on the same trail so there's no avoiding them, he's stuck with them and so the journey begins. If only he knew then how much he would grow from being thrust into what he perceives as an uncomfortable experience.....

I mean really, when this type of thing happens, who wouldn't want to just walk away, or run away if given half the chance. But when you're forced to deal with those deep emotions that now keep surging forth like an out of control herd of wild and ravenous bulls, who would want that personality trait to see the light of day? It's definitely not who you really are is it? It's got to be a random upset that will pass...but what happens when it doesn't, when something has been unleashed that cannot and will not be put away again. Something you have no idea how to handle let alone control. If I can just blame someone else, point the finger away from myself then it will all go away, I wont' have to give it another thought, surely! 

I'm sure we've all been faced with situations like this at some time in our lives and learned the hard way that if that tactic does indeed work then it's only ever a short term fix...whatever it is that reared it's ugly head will by it's very nature, present itself for a repeat performance and usually at the most inopportune time.

So anyway I don't want to give the movie away and spoil it for others but it was one of those movies that touched my heart and peaked my mind....I couldn't help but think if only we are forced to face something, how very different the outcome can be and how much richer our lives can become when we shed something that no longer serves us. And in comparison, if we leave things unresolved how long will we choose to carry that issue like a cross weighing us down and impacting how we live our lives.

How often do we think we're happy when in reality all we've created is a mundane routine that blinds us and tricks us into thinking that we lead a full life which is not to say we lead a fulfilling life..two very different pathways those!

I think it's fair to say that not many of us will force ourselves to stand in our discomfort, face it full on, be prepared to face the consequences, good or bad and just 'feel the fear and do it anyway' as a famous author once said. 

It takes courage and it takes a desire and a willingness....like the law of attraction, now that's a powerful thought process.  The law of attraction challenges us to ignore that which doesn't serve us. To stop focusing on what we haven't got and what we don't want and what doesn't work for us and it dares us to focus on creating with deliberate intention, that which we really and truly want in this life and can have if only we will allow it to manifest and grow to reality. 

It's not a new thought process to remind ourselves to be mindful of what we say and how we say it, to listen to ourselves as we speak to keep a check on our negative thinking and to switch lanes and start to think in a new and positive and creative way.

Well the movie has stirred up my bag of tricks, rattled the shelves of my filing cabinet where all things past and present have been neatly stored. I have been reminded by a movie that life is for living, to dare to dream, to reach for the stars,  if I want something then I just have to think it and that I am only limited by my imagination, or lack of.

And when faced with adversity, to be brave, stand tall and face the challenge head on.  To recognise it for what it is, an opportunity!  Another stepping stone, a way forward and one that is yours or mine for the taking.

And as for my 'filing cabinet' well I hope that everything settles in another order, one that's unfamiliar, one that propels me to another level of thinking and being and processing............... 

Little black pixie boots, oh so fashionable!

I loved my black suede ankle boots with pointy toes and gold leather threaded around the tops of them and they looked a treat with my little white socks.

Well that was back in around 1966 and I was at school and little boots such as these were definitely not part of the preferred uniform code of the day nor were those little white socks that I had to wear as the grey knee high ones just didn't compliment the look.

If I'd had any fashion sense back then I'd have known that they really didn't go with that dowdy grey uniform with the navy and white stripes either, but I was exploring my 'style' and a young girl had to make the best of what she had in those days....I've never liked grey so maybe it stemmed from those days.

Which reminds me that even back then when I was just a teenager, well almost...that my rebellious nature was well and truly being nurtured. That damn head mistress gave me plenty inspiration for practicing a personality trait that I would cultivate and carry with me for many a long year.

I'd like to think I'm much more mellow these days and believe me,  I've had to work  hard at letting go of that rebelliousness although if I'm completely honest I will tell I've probably contained it not eliminated it. I mean realistically, how can you get rid of something that runs deep in your veins, that you're born with, that you've had to wear like a bad of courage at times.

Standing up for what I believe in is something I'll take with me to the grave, I know that and I've accepted that its part of what makes me the vibrant and spontaneous person that I am today. After all, I'm ok with it so what's the problem anyways! 

But back to school......I used to also be rather partial to my red nail polish and for some unknown reason it too was not included in the preferred code dress code of Oak Park High School. Far out, the amount of times I was sent to stand outside the headmistress' office are quite numerous.

I thought I was pretty clever in those days, but you know, the amount of times I got caught with those red nails was mostly because I would forget that I had typing on that particular day and guess who was the typing teacher, yep the headmistress and she was always prowling up and down those aisles!!!

Sheesh you'd think I would have learned but maybe it was part of the challenge. And coincidentally, it was typing that I attained the highest marks in at school and even today I'm a gun touch typist, I can type like the clappers, just ask my kids and they'll tell you I pulverize my keyboard when I'm on a roll...no wonder the numerals always wear off em :)

I just had a vision of me swinging around the pole at the top of the stairs at school, little black suede boots, white socks rolled right down to my ankles, red nail polish glinting in the sunlight and as I swung around in gay abandon along comes that bloody teacher again....I'm sure she had it in for me, stalking the grounds waiting to leap on her prey (me) . Like it's not like I was doing anything to draw attention to myself or anything but once again I got the old 'go and stand outside my office and don't move' routine.

Ah well it was a bit like water off a ducks back really, after all I wasn't really into school all that much and a young up and coming girl such as myself, needed some sort of distraction to stop myself from drowning in sea of boredom.

And anyone who knows me also knows I have absolutely no interest in sport and the sport of the day at my school was softball...I mean who the hell wanted to play that stupid game anyway, not me. So I would be sick, or wag school or do whatever was necessary to avoid having to hit a ball or worse still  run around that dusty old paddock while someone else chased that stupid ball.

I mean I'd have had to take off my gorgeous little pixie boots that must surely have been the envy of many a girl at that school to participate in that silly old game!!!

Nope school wasn't for me, it really was an unwelcome distraction from the life I wanted to lead. I had bigger fish to fry and that's another story for another day :)

I was only 19.............

I was only 19......its the 70's, psychedelic music, psychedelic colours  and  freedom . But hang on, I'll just go and research when that famous song by Redgum "I was only 19" was penned!  Phewey,  talk about being hijacked in the blink of an eye!

I was on a mission for a minute and that was about 'me' and when I was 19 but some gremlins have scrambled my mind and now I'm in another era! Mind you it's an era I do rather enjoy dwelling in as it conjures up so many memories of a carefree life, sex and drugs and rock n roll. Well not so much the rock n roll but the other was probably pretty apt :)

It's funny how a random thought can start a chain reaction and boy I've just gone through a roller coaster ride of emotions and flashbacks to another time, but wait, now I'm in  fast forward mode to another time and it's now 1983, that's when the song was written and it's the year my son was born. But I'm not 19, I've passed that little milestone and the life I had, the music changed and not always for the better in the 80's but there was some amazing Aussie music about and "I was only 19" is one that even today, 29 years later, has the ability to stir something deep within  me. It was almost like it was our 'Anthem' of the time, at least in the circles I was hanging.
 
But back to the youtube clip....as I'm watching the video of the day,  black and white news clips of the Vietnam War and listening to the echoing words of that soulful song,  my mind is racing, reeling back through the years to the demonstrations of the time, the music that spoke to me of freedom and independence and of the life that I was living all those years ago. 


Watching that video clip was like watching one of those movies that jump from the past to the present and back again.....I don't usually like them all that much as I find it hard to follow so when my own mind was skipping through the years, past and present I was having a similar reaction, I didn't like it too much, way too much energy exerted in those few minutes it took to watch that song come to it's conclusion. I guess it's a mix of remembering a time that revolutionized music, changed me and my outlook on life forever, and regardless of how much fun living in that time was it will always be tinged with a shadow of what that song 'I was only 19' was all about. Conscription, demonstrations, lies and deceit and so many lives that were changed forever and not just those of the soldiers that made it home.

It's like a bittersweet experience listening to that song, it stirs something deep within, I'm never quite sure why I still have such a strong reaction to that era of my life, maybe it's the music, maybe it was my wild and free life experiences or maybe it's about my lost youth which held my precious hopes and dreams of a lifetime.

Youth of course is something that can never be reclaimed and really if you asked, I doubt I would want to re live it but there's something powerful wrapped up in that time. Maybe there's a little box and it's labelled 'secret' so secret in fact that even my conscious self doesn't quite understand it. Perhaps it's a little time capsule that's been carefully buried in my mind and heart and being and sometimes it's seal pops open and for a brief moment the contents are visible for all to see and then just like that, whamo, it's closed again, sealing it's precious cargo, it's contents safe and secure and perhaps that's where they will stay, where they're meant to be....a box of memories that I will carry with be forever and a day and will never fully understand. And do I need to anyway!

But lost youth and distant memories aside, the music I spent countless hours listening to on the good old quadrophonic stereo system always has the ability to bring a smile to my face. I still remember laying on the floor between those quad speakers with the volume full bore listening to the likes of  Led Zeppelin, Black Sabbath, Deep Purple,  Country Joe McDonald, The Doors,  Electric Light Orchestra, Atlanta Rhythm Section, Bob Seeger and the Silver Bullet Band and so many more that would fill a page if I was to continue. Boy wasn't that quadraphonic stereo the bees knees in upmarket hi fi, laughable today of course but when I lived in that big old army tent in the caravan park in Mt Isa and in the outback of Boulia, that stereo came along too.....yep you had to have good music, didn't matter about other necessities of life like furniture or flash cars, nope you just had to have a beanbag and a good sound system to play those lp records on.

So when I was only 19, it was 1970 and quite some years before 'that' song came along in 1983. In the 13 years in between I would have 2 children, eight years apart and like many, the music of the time would shape and change my life forever and on some level, for that of my children too. 

Oh and the baby born in 1983 was reared on the classic music of the 70's which was always playing and always loud so it's no wonder he would gravitate towards sub woofer's and  'discover' the joys of 70's music along the way as he matured into an adult.


And my daughter who was 8 in 1983 had become a seasoned aficionado of 70's music at her young age so it's no wonder she still finds the odd classic tracks to download for her Mummy today and I know she enjoys them as much as I do at times.